What my older kids taught me

What my older kids have taught me so far.......

Older kids make you appreciate the younger ones.

I realize now what you miss, you miss the ease of little kids where they are just happy to see you, need you, and they are easily entertained.

You miss being young yourself.

For me I find freedom when they move out. Decisions they make are their own. I'm an out of sight out of mind type person. For example my daughter could stop by before a party, once she leaves I don't think about it. When she is living home, it's ALL I think about. Is she drinking? Will she drive? How is she getting home? Where is she? Who is she with? Is she safe?

There is nothing better than Cuddling little ones. For ex it was chilly this morning, my girls jumped in my bed and we snuggled watching tv for an hour! Hard to be cranky after that :)

I am going to put my time and energy in my younger children who still want me, need me etc..

I am taking it one day at a time.....I've hit a point in my life where I have a lot going on. I need to chill, take care of myself etc. being tired, cranky, and frazzled isn't helping me be a good mom.

I need to find healthy ways to relieve stress.....not sure with the holidays coming up I will have much luck considering food is my first choice

I'm a mom. I look like a mom, talk like a mom. I can't turn the mom off, so I'm going to embrace it. I just care too much, oh well guess my kids can say I loved them to death, it could be worse......

Here is what I know.....

Here is what I know

Parenting is HARD!! The older I get some things are becoming clearer. You know those parents you find so annoying? Guess what? They are just like you. Trying to figure out this parenting thing. You know what else? They love their kids. There is no right answer for parenting. Just like we are all different, so are our children, and what works for one, doesn't work for another.

The complaining parent, probably sometimes does wonder why she had kids. It's not all sunshine and lollipops.

The bragging parent is probably just trying to focus on the positive since she's dealing with issues you have no clue about.

The parent whose child always seems to do everything the best, probably just has parents who feel so blessed. Maybe this was their after miscarriage baby, maybe this is their miracle baby that took them years to have.

The parents who always have statistics or some article they read, might have Aspergers, or be so insecure in their parenting that the only way they feel confident is if some study backs them.

The know it all parent, is probably just trying to help you, since they went through it all alone and know how hard it is.

Lately all you hear about is bullying. How do we expect our kids to be tolerant, accepting, kind etc, when we as parents can't even let other parents raise their child as they see fit? Maybe you don't yell, great, but just because a mom yells at her kids doesn't make her a bad mom. You wouldn't let your kids play outside alone, great, but the mom that does, doesn't love her kids any less. Your kids were off the bottle, never co slept, no pacifiers or loveys, great. But the parents that do this, love their kids and it works for them.

We need to be the example. We need to encourage, and support each other. We want change for our children? We need to be the change!

Weird Place

Weird Place

It's no secret I have been struggling this last year. My oldest really did a number on me when she moved in with her boyfriend, and dropped out of college. I know it could've been worse. I know it doesn't mean I'm a bad mom. But I tell you, it has really thrown me off. I guess its because growing up she was so different. She didn't really give any signs that she would just turn on me, how she was raised and just do the opposite. I let her go. I let her fail. Now she is back home, jerk boyfriend finally out of the picture. I should be so happy, things should be back on track. Yet things are just weird. I like knowing she's home safe, away from boyfriend, but this transition to grown children is harder than a newborn to me. 

Add to that I turned 40, I have over 20 extra pounds since the twins, my in laws moved 5 minutes away, my mom is having some heart issues again, the twins suck me dry everyday, and did I mention my boys Autism, and trouble in school?

When I think about everything I'm like ok, no wonder I'm having a mid life crisis! I have become one of those women who has a lot of problems!

I have to put more of an effort these days to focus on the positive, and find my happy place. I tire more easily, I don't always feel good, and some days are just exhausting.

I have found since I started my page, and realized I was not alone, and all the wonderful women out there who are supportive, encouraging and going through the same things (yes, misery lives company LOL) have helped me tremendously.

Now I feel in sharing my journey, maybe I can help someone like so many have helped me. 

It's weird being a grown woman, and sometimes not knowing who I am, or what I want or need. It's like where did I go? Oh wait, I didn't go anywhere, I'm right here. For me being a wife and mother is everything. I am fulfilled, happy, and want for nothing. Sometimes I just need a break, and some time to refresh. Thankfully I have finally come to a place with my husband where he gets it, well at least he tries to understand it, and helps me, either with day to day, or taking over for an hour where I can leave the house, or go in my room and enjoy a long hot bath in peace.

I'm slowly coming back to my true self. I realized on vacation that you know what? I don't look that bad, I'm an older woman now it's ok. My glory days are behind me, it's my daughters time to shine. If I lose weight, I do, if not no big deal. I'm done torturing myself about it. 

I'm allowed to have bad days, good days, be cranky etc. I don't feel guilty for taking care of myself. A healthy mom is a good mom.  Some days a lot gets done, and others I'm in pjs all day, and you know what? Nothing, that's right, it's ok! Kids are still taken care of, food is on the table.

So weird place it is, and it's ok. I'm at the stage in life where every year brings new changes, and I hate change! LOL