I am THAT mom

It's funny how when you're young and the kids are young how differently you see things. When your oldest kid is under 10, it's very easy to control the environment, what they are exposed to etc. Generally they go with the flow of what the family is doing. At this time, you can't see the future and when you try to imagine it, well it looks just like now you think. I remember when someone said to me many years ago, wow, you run a tight ship! It will be interesting when they are all teenagers! I honestly thought, uh, it will look the same! Obviously how wrong I was, but what is so interesting to me now is how focused on the wrong things we are sometimes. For example, you're in the store and see a child who you think is way too old throwing a fit. You think, glad it's not me, my kids know better, I'm raising them right. You hear stories of families where kids are lying, cheating, stealing, drinking, smoking and having sex and think, oh my kids will know better, I'm raising them right. How about the kids that don't do well in school? Don't go to college? I remember talking to a friend and she was like oh college isn't an option of course my kids will go! How about when the phone rings, it's the principal and to your utter surprise and disappointment your kid was the one in trouble! What happened to I'm raising them right? Well I'm here to tell you, I am THAT mom. You know the one, who's kids aren't doing the "right" thing. The one where it's her kids throwing the fit. The one where it's her kid that bullied yours. The one where her kid stole from you. The one where it's her kid having sex. The one where it's her kid not following the house rules. Here's what you don't know. I'm the one who looks strong, but is dying inside in the same shock and horror of what their kid just did. The one who also wonders, where did I go wrong? What does everyone else know that I don't? Why is this happening to me? The one who doesn't let her disappointment show, but is the rock her kids need. The one who cries in the shower so no one can hear. The one who doesn't know what to do sometimes. You know what THAT mom needs? Kindness, compassion, support, hearing they are a good mom, that she has great kids who made a mistake. Why do we waste so much time focused and in fear on partying? Missing curfew? What we think our kids need to be doing? Isn't being a teenager the time to make mistakes and learn from them? Isn't it better to mess up but be young enough to turn it around, with the love and support from your family? Isn't character more important? Are you honest? Responsible? Kind? Supportive? Loving? Empathetic? Do you put others above yourself? Yep my kids can be loud, obnoxious, inappropriate but let me tell you, they love each other and their family. When someone is in need, they pull together and help. Whether it's simple things like digging a garden, or supporting their sister who just had a baby. The times I'm just spent, and they all chip in, clean the house, cook dinner and let me rest. All I know is when I step back and look, I have some pretty amazing kids and I'm lucky to be THAT mom.

~OneTiredMama

The difference a year makes

November is always the month I start reflecting on my last year, what I'm thankful for and the direction I hope my next year goes. I'm always amazed how much change actually happens in a year!

Last year my kids were testing me and my major concern was the twins starting Kindergarten and finally having time for myself. As you know not only did they stop full day kindergarten, my 17 yr old got pregnant! So far the hardest thing for me has been letting go of the "whys"... Why now? Why can't I ever get a break? So it's been a very different year than I expected. What I've learned this year is that I've grown in ways I didn't even know I needed to. Am I still left with questions? Yep! The main one is, what am I supposed to be doing? I've been home with kids for 23 years. Just when I thought it was my time now, my daughter is having a baby! So I will still be home with a baby! Of course I'm watching the baby while she goes to school. She is on track to graduate in May, and then I will watch the baby so she can go to beauty school. What I'm learning is that being a mom is about balance. You don't always have to put your kids before yourself. It's not selfish to take care of yourself or go out without the kids! They don't have to always be a part of everything. When you take care of yourself, by doing what you want at least some of the time, you are happier which makes you a better wife, mother and person to be around. Honestly I wish I realized this years ago. I spent a lot of time and energy on things that weren't important. That's why now I've made it my mission to not only share my journey but I've made it a point to teach my girls the importance of not losing themselves. This is the first year in probably 20 that I have met my personal goals! I wanted to lose 20 pounds, I lost 22! I wanted to get healthy, I started clean eating and I'm loving it! I wanted to start working out. Not only have I lost a ton of inches, I have muscles and am in the best shape of my life at 43!! I wanted to find myself. I realized I'm right here, where I belong as the center of my family. I didn't lose my joy of mothering, I forgot to do for myself, do things I like, do things just for ME. I realized I am enough just being me even on a day I yelled too much, didn't shower or cook dinner. My self worth is not the success of my children, or how clean my house is. I have found I was given my life because I am strong enough to live it. My oldest moved back home, my son got in some serious trouble and my 17yr old daughter is pregnant, but you know what? I'm still a good mom, my kids love and respect me, and my marriage is stronger than ever! That is what I'm thankful for. 

Where will 2016 take me, I have no idea! What I do know is there is joy in the journey even when it feels like hell. I also know I can handle it, and that being a mom will always be the best part of me. 

Motivation Monday

So let's talk motivation today

I find how you start your Monday sets the tone for the week. Mondays are kind of a rush day for me since our school has a half day on Monday every week! So that means my kids are home by 1 o'clock. I work hard at scheduling the morning so I get some housework done and my workout before the kids come home. I pretty much work out the same time every day and that really helps me to stay motivated and on track since I'm a very scheduled and routine person. I noticed most people don't share about what motivates them but I think it's really important to figure out what motivates you what keeps you motivated and how you will stay motivated. For me when I first started of course the motivation was just to feel better,  to not wake up every day not feeling good, feeling tired, fat and frumpy. It was the hardest thing that I ever started. I was not in the mood I was already over 40 part of me didn't really care, I kind of saw it as just my last shot to get healthy and enjoy life before I get too old. I was fighting age, and my thyroid as well so it took me really long to start seeing results, but I stuck with it because I noticed right away how much better I felt getting off the couch doing a little work out trying to eat better. it gave me purpose,  gave me direction it was something and still is something that I can control.  I control myself what I do what I don't do what I eat what I don't eat. Then before you know it everything gets easier, making healthy choices, workouts clean eating... then suddenly it takes off and you start to really see the results of all your hard work. That's what keeps me motivated now the results, not only do I feel more healthy I look more healthy and I look younger which is probably the best benefit of them all, how my body looks how my body feels and the clothes that I can wear now . 

So take some time today to really think about it and please share with me what really motivates you and how you plan to stay motivated have a great Monday.

Email me at onetiredmom9@gmail

Lose a turkey

How would you like to lose a turkey?

I'm talking about 10-15 pounds by working out, drinking Shakeolgy and clean eating. 

Now is the time to lock good habits in place before the holiday craze of sweets and treats.

Starts October 26

Email me at onetiredmom9@gmail

Motivation Monday

Motivation Monday always gets me thinking. Of course our kids, family etc is our motivation for getting healthy, but I want you to think about how you are eating better and working out for YOU. What keeps me motivated when I'm tired, stressed, and having a bad day is how good I feel in my clothes, how strong my body is now from working out and how I am in control of what I do and don't do for myself. As women it's easy for us to make everyone else a priority over ourselves. When we are a priority in our own life, we feel better about ourselves which makes us happier. As a result the day to day tasks are easier to handle. The food we eat and working out directly affects our mood. Remember this is a lifestyle, it will take time. Is it hard sometimes? Yes! But it is always worth it!

What is your motivation for getting healthy?

Contact me at onetiredmom9@gmail.com

Goodbye excuses

As you can imagine when it comes to excuses I have plenty! What difference does it make if I lose weight or not? It won't change the kind of wife or mother I am. I'm in my forties, married with 7 children who cares. I'm so busy there is no way I have the time. 

But the real problem was I didn't feel good at all. I hated going out since I didn't like how my clothes fit. I was feeling really down about myself. My confidence was at a low. I started to think about how I spend my days. The crazy thing is I have at least 15 hour days. How could I not find time to workout? Putting myself first on my list of priorities was hard, I wasn't used to it and neither was my family. I started out slow, 30 min walking, then kettlebell and then I tried the gym. For me the gym didn't work since I had to wait until someone could watch the kids. When I got there I never could figure out a routine. Oh sure I could hire a trainer but I don't have that kind of money. It was slow going until my friend told me about Beachbody. The combination of working out, drinking shakeolgy and clean eating worked right away. I saw results in the first month and it kept me motivated. It didn't take long before I felt good physically and mentally. This is a lifestyle not a diet. After a few months my husband started doing it and now the whole family works out and eats clean. 

You can join me on this health and wellness journey! Email me at onetiredmom9@gmail and we can get you started 😀

Finding my way

I don't know why but as women and moms we often take a back seat when it comes to taking care of ourselves. I finally realized wanting to look good, working out, getting your hair done, nails done, drinking the occasional Starbucks, going to the bookstore whatever it is you do to feel good about yourself is NOT selfish or shallow. When we as moms, wives, women feel good about ourselves we are happier. Being happy makes you a better mom, wife and person to be around.
I have 7 kids and a grandbaby on the way. It's my 17yr old who is pregnant. My oldest moved back home so the only kid out is my second oldest and she's at college so she is still home for holidays etc. I have a full house to say the least! It was time for me to make myself a priority before I had a nervous breakdown. I decided to stop with the excuses and take control of my health, mental and physical. I still take on most of the house but between having everyone take care of their own stuff, like dishes, laundry etc and errands when possible I have a couple hours a day to do what I want.
I have a ridiculous schedule of running around town taking kids back and forth to school and activities. I was so excited that the girls were starting kindergarten but then I found out it was half day. Well not even, Mondays they go 11:30-1, Tuesday-Friday 12:30-3. With my daughter being pregnant and due soon between the doctor visits and the other kids, not to mention my husband I find myself overwhelmed often. I really don't like feeling that way. I am the type of person that likes a plan and routine. Well that's out the window now!
I finally decided to throw away all my excuses and get healthy. I started Beachbody in February and all I can say is it has been my lifesaver. It is a program that combines clean eating, drinking shakeology and working out. One of the things I love most is the community of women who support, encourage, share and motivate each other. This is not a quick fix, its a lifestyle. I have lost over 20 pounds and tons of inches. As much as that is so rewarding, fitting into clothes, being comfortable and loving my body for the first time in years, I have to say the best part is doing something just for MYSELF. Once you start working on yourself the rest truly does start to come together. Being physically fit has made me feel mentally fit to handle my day to day life. Do I always feel like being healthy and working out? No, but I press on anyway. I am never disappointed when I press play. When the workout gets easier, you are sweating and making progress it makes you feel so accomplished. You step back and you're like, I DID THAT! Its not always easy but always worth it. When I have a bad day, or I overate, had a drink of alcohol some chips or cake, whatever it is, its ok. A bad meal doesn't ruin or define your lifestyle. It doesn't mean oh well, you might as well give up. It means you enjoyed some treats and the next meal you get right back on track.
I have decided to blog more and let you know how I am finding my way through the crazy!

                                                February          April                 September
                                          

Being a mom is hard

This motherhood thing is coming full circle for me. 

I've come to realize the secret is you have to have your own life outside of your kids... You know why? Well for starters they are kids and don't care about things the way you do, it's all about them and how much they can get.. If that's not enough they grow up and move out to have their own life!

Your kids can't be your only happiness... There are so many ups and downs, disappointments, bad choices that if you personalize every one you won't be able to function. Let it ride, they are kids, they will learn, go do what makes YOU happy.

You can be too involved and probably are... This has snuck up on me, it is so easy to do things for your child, work things out for them etc.. We convince ourselves that it's what good moms do.

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't... Meaning your kids want your opinion but they don't want you to disagree with them.

I always thought my problem with my mom was her, now having grown daughters I'm realizing some of it is me! I guess it's inevitable that we become the annoying mom!

Bring it!!

So far this year is off to a trying start to say the least. It's like the kids forgot where they live, what type of mom I am and all the rules! They have been testing me from lying to disrespect, even twins got in on the action and did some backtalk! It's like even though I didn't say it out loud things were going to good. So now between the home stuff, bad grades, an in school suspension and wild twins I seriously had to put it down. I will not stop moving forward.

 I realized life is pushing back because big change is in the air around here. It started last year and it will only continue to evolve. This August the twins will start school and for the first time in my life there will be no more babies for me. It's bittersweet but at the same time very exciting! You see I got married at 19 and by the time I was 20 had a baby. I never really just thought about myself. I've been in the thick of kids and babies for over 20 years! I feel like I can actually put myself first for a change! To be honest it's weird, and I don't want to waste time feeling guilty. I've put my time in and now it's time for me! 

First step is reclaiming my body. As you can imagine having 7 kids has taken its toll. I'm eating better and working out. My focus is on feeling good, healthy and strong.

As long as my husband can handle it I plan to stay home. It may sound silly but I'm really looking forward to being alone! Maybe even bored and lonely! I have no idea what that feels like. I also just want to be able to do what I want when I want without an audience. You know the simple things, shower maybe even watch TV and not put the subtitles on. 

I want to figure out who I am besides wife and mother. Being a mother is the best part of me but I also know my identity can't be wrapped up in my kids. Having a big family has taught me that I have to have healthy boundaries or else I would have a nervous breakdown every time my kids did something wrong. I need to be strong and teach them how to cope with life's ups and downs.

So bring it 2015, I'm getting ready!

Enjoy the little things

 

 

Is it just me or do you have a hard time with this as well? You would think something as simple as this would be easy to do but honestly it's the complete opposite. Sometimes I'm so focused on what I have to do, the last thing I feel I have time to do is enjoy anything. The day goes so fast, I hardly ever accomplish all I need to in one day. I get so tired of the cooking, cleaning, wiping, laundry etc, and before I know it the kids are home, and it's I'm hungry, getting homework done, usually the bickering starts and I still have to figure out what time tryouts are done, drama queen has work and then of course cooking dinner! Whew… I have to make an effort every day to take the time to notice, let alone enjoy the little things! So here is my list for today…….

The weather was nice and I sat outside for a few minutes and felt the sun on my face.

My older daughter is still home from college.

The girls got juggle bubbles, and to see them smiling, laughing, bouncing bubbles around the living room brought a smile to my face.

 

 

 

Of course what I always enjoy is the quiet of the night when everyone is asleep!

 

What 2014 has taught me

When the year started I was feeling pretty down. I felt like everyone gets to do what they want except me, I was feeling fat and frumpy , and  out of shape. I decided it was time to make myself a priority and be confident in who I am.

So this is what I learned this year…….

 

It's ok if the house isn't totally picked up.

Dishes, laundry, toys on the floor,  etc will still be there tomorrow and the world won't come to an end.

 

It's ok for me to put myself first.

This has been the hardest, biggest change I have made this year. I still don't do it every day, but I always make sure I do at least one thing for myself EVERY DAY. Sometimes it's a really small thing, like a shower, a piece of chocolate, a show I want to watch. I have left the house alone to do something selfish and fun like my hair, or nails! I can't tell you how awesome that has been. I wanted my hair done for Christmas and so much needed to be done, so while I was getting my hair done my husband went food shopping!

 

Making the time to work out is worth it!

I try and work out as often as I can. Ideally 5-7 days a week but even 3 is ok. Not only have I lost 15 pounds, I dropped two sizes and best of all I feel strong and fit! I got a new kettle bell workout for Christmas and I can't wait to start it.

 

I finally feel confident enough in my parenting to tell anyone to step back, we are not looking for co parents!

Have you ever noticed when something major happens it's in front of other people? After Christmas my son got in trouble, and of course he was with his grandparents so they knew what happened. This time my husband and I were a united  front and even he told his parents to back off.

 

Parenting is a dance of keeping your kids close and letting go so they mature and get independent.

I hate when people say things like raise them right, trust your kids etc. The reality is good kids make bad choices, they know what's right and choose bad anyway. We always want to trust our kids, but sometimes we know we can't.

I realized family dynamics, ages of children etc are different for every family and its ok if someone doesn’t understand mine.

 

I'm exactly where I want to be.

Getting older is funny to me, I'm 42 years old and people still feel the need to tell me things I should be doing. Recently one of my husbands friends was over, and he asked me when the twins start school if I was going to work, and how even a little job making $350 a week would be nice, right? Um wrong! First of all not only is it none of his business but I'm exactly where I want to be. I know many people don't get it, and the art of being a homemaker is getting lost, but I don't plan on working. I want to give the twins the same experience all my other kids got. I want to help in the classroom, have lunch  with them, be home when they are out of school. Why should my older kids get them to and from school, help with homework and start dinner? It's my job and I'm not giving it up.

 

This is my mantra..

I am fit

I am a good mother/wife

I am HAPPY

I love my children for who they are

I focus on positive good things

I am proud of my family

 

~One Tired Mama

My child is not a reflection of me

I know what you're thinking as you read that statement, of course your child is a reflection of you. Well I'm here to tell you its not always the case. Have you noticed when your child does something good, gets good grades, says or does something that makes you proud, it's sooo easy to accept the compliments like way to go mom, wow, you sure are raising them right. But think of it this way, why would you take credit for your child's accomplishments? It's all them, they did the work. So in the same way I don't take credit for the misbehavior of my children, especially Drama Queen.
When you have an extremely defiant child, it's easy to feel like you're doing something wrong, you're not a good parent etc. This is where you have to be really careful. It can make you depressed and it can take the joy out of being a mother.  I finally realized I needed to stop taking on Drama Queens personality as my responsibility. I just needed to accept her for who she is. This doesn’t mean that I agree with her behavior all the time, or how she treats friends, or even her siblings. It means I realize she is a person outside of me and she will find her own path.
As you can imagine this has been the hardest journey for me. My older two daughters were not like this. Drama Queen is the after miscarriage baby who was supposed to have Downs Syndrome miracle baby! It's not supposed to be like this! She will be 16 in January, and every year I hope things get better. As always some things do and other things never change. So, I changed the one thing I have control over, MYSELF. I no longer am embarrassed, or feel like a bad mom because my daughter acts a certain way, gets in trouble, or makes a bad decision. It's like, ok where do we go from here? What lesson am I trying to teach her? I want her to know I'm always here for her, she can trust me, and that HOME is a safe place. We all love and accept her in this house. On the days she's pushed me to the brink, I remember my own advice and walk away, I don't get sucked in. I tell her to go to her room.
I have hope in the fact that she's still young and  you really can’t predict where people are going to end up in life when they're only 15! All I know is I do the best I can every day. People may judge, but I know inside of me that I’m a good mom.











Sent from my iPhone

Mid life is like being a teenager

Getting older is not at all how I thought it would be. In some ways I feel more and more like a teen all the time. Here's what I mean...
I find myself thinking why bother a lot.
My period makes me wicked crabby, crampy and bloated.
I get pimples.
I could sleep all day.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
I'm moody.
I don't want to cook, clean or do laundry.
I just want to have fun.
I want to be left alone.
I'm attached to my cell phone.
I love to text.
I keep things from my mom.
Sometimes it's never enough.
I have a problem, but I have no idea what it is.
I want to run away.

How to keep your sanity when you have difficult teenagers....

As you know I have a difficult teen I call drama queen. I guess you can say she's a typical teen of this time, but I don't like it one bit. It's been hard especially since she's my third child and so very different from everyone else. Maybe it is just middle child syndrome and she will be fine when she grows up and we will be best friends. But now, I find her disrespectful, rude, nasty, treats everyone in the house like crap, she does things on purpose just to be annoying and cause trouble. Oh, and the drama has no end, from her hair and clothes, to the boyfriend she wasn't supposed to have, to friend drama. She is overwhelming, loud, and stressful to put it mildly.
I wish I could say I've handled it well, with grace and maturity. Actually the opposite is true. I've let my feelings get hurt, they cloud my judgement, I over react and say things I shouldn't. I'm learning, and each day gets better, and the days I blow it, I forgive myself. This parenting journey is hard!
So, I've done some research, read some articles, tried some things, and when I pause and think instead of react this is what I do........

The first thing is to realize when your child is acting out, calling names being disrespectful is, don't take it personally. I know easier said then done. Take a breath, calmly say it’s not okay to speak to me that way, I don’t like it. Then walk away.

I don't believe in giving your child a second or third chance when he’s nasty or rude to you.

Its our job as a parent to teach our kids how to behave appropriately and to be respectful toward others as they grow up. Respect starts in the home. I often tell her to treat others how she wants to be treated.

Parenting has always been a balance between thinking and feeling, and both are very important. But don't get sucked into your teenagers disrespect, think first, then react.

This is some things to say to your teen before things get totally out of control.....
Is something wrong? Why are you using that tone with me?
How come you get sarcastic every time we talk?
It's your job to make me understand, and sarcasm doesn't help
There is no name calling around this house

I also feel parenting is not a popularity contest. You need to be in control and you need to set some limits. Your child is not your partner or your peer.

When you are setting limits, and dealing with your teen think about what lesson does my child need to learn? What should I teach her here?
The lesson should be related to the kind of person you want your child to grow into.

You also want them to learn how to think for themselves and make good choices. In the end, we want our kids to be independent thinkers who are able to function as healthy adults in society.

21 years ago I married my best friend....

I met my husband when I was 15, a sophomore in high school. A point my teenagers like to make often. I tell them yes I did fall in love at 15, but you have to remember dad and I are the exception to the rule! You see, I was what you would call an old soul. I grew up fast, barely had a childhood, and I did a lot of living by the time I married at 19. I was more than ready to be a wife, and a mother.
The early years are some of my fondest memories. Being young, setting up our first house, having our first few babies. Those were the days! I found joy in everything I did, whether it was taking care of the kids, my husband or the house. I had so many plans, thoughts, and pictures of how I thought the rest of my life was going to go. This was my big mistake! I set myself up for disappointment. This journey, being a wife, and mother has a life of its own, and I have little control over it! My new thing now, and what I'm telling my kids is to just limit planning, let things just be, go with the flow, see where things are going, and LIVE! Enjoy being young, and don't rush everything.
When you're together over 20 years it's a long time. I'm at the point now I don't know my life without my husband. You're talking 26 years of my life!
After all these years we have weathered quite a few storms. I realize now, marriage takes a lot of give and take. It's all about compromise, protecting your marriage, and spending time together. These things don't come as easily as they do in the early years. Life is stressful, work, money issues, in laws, kids, it gets overwhelming sometimes. It's funny how easy it is to start blaming each other, not really talking, letting the kids come between you, fighting about dumb things that really aren't important. The reality is our kids grow up and move out, we will probably never have enough money, and life is stressful.
You know what I figured out? When I'm sad, mad, happy, want to go out, have fun, need a hug, you know who's always there? That's right, my best friend, the love of my life, my HUSBAND! I'm so thankful that after all these years we not only still love each other, we love to spend TIME with each other. I'm looking forward to all the years we will have together. :)