Perspective

Perspective is a funny thing. You always think you have it then you get older and you realize oh now I have perspective! I guess it's just like change. It's always evolving. I'm at a very unique time in my life right now. My kids pretty much cover all age ranges and personality types. I have kids that love school and ones that hate it! I have a grown daughter who moved out and is living life her way. It starts at the beginning. You have a toddler then you have a newborn. You enjoy every crazy sleepless night because you know how fast it goes. Now my older bratty children give me perspective to enjoy the little ones because it goes so quick. It's funny now that I have all this perspective most women aren't interested to hear what I have to say. I wish as a young mom an older woman would've come along side me and helped me gain perspective. When people say enjoy every minute, or time goes so quickly they are not dismissing the fact it's hard right now. Or how young children suck you dry. We are simply saying take a moment in each day and count your blessings, spend time with your children, hug them and tell them you love them. Children need to feel safe and secure and loved. They need that place where they can be fully accepted for who they are. Not to mention when they are young and driving you crazy they are still home! You have control over what they are doing. Older kid stress changes perspective quite a bit. Now it's drive safely, is it more dangerous for my teen to drive then have someone else drive? Do I let her drive friends around? What if something happens? Where are you going? Are they really where they say they are? Oh no she's late! Is she ok? Did she get in an accident? And on and on the worries go...especially when you add dating into the mix but I will save that for another time. All this just to say as much as I rant and act like a crazy bitch sometimes don't ever get it twisted, I love my kids more than life itself!!

Identity

I made the biggest mistake ever recently! I told my husband sometimes I don't know who I am. Well let's just say he had no clue what the hell I was talking about and of course brought it back to him saying what you don't want to be my wife anymore? Um seriously this has nothing to do with you this is about me. Sometimes I feel so lost in all my roles that sometimes I forget who I am, what I like etc. I am always hubby's wife and my kids mother. Is that enough? Do I need to be more? Who says I need something else? As if all this isn't complicated enough we also as moms find our identity in our children. It's so easy when your kids give you so many reasons to be proud of them. But what about when things don't go "right" whatever that is anyway. When my daughter moved out with her boyfriend that's when I saw the shift. All of a sudden it was ohhhh, and the looks, and the bullshit she will come back to the right way. WTF? Is that suppoesed to mean anyway? There is nothing wrong with my daughter. She is young and in love and doesn't realize the BIG picture of what she is doing. But if we're honest when we were young did we see the "big" picture? Then my son has his issues. Now that he's almost 11 I hear annoying shit like oh he knows what he's doing or saying. Oh and this ones my favorite I need to discipline him more! When he was younger it wasn't as obvious. Now if I explain anything I get those other looks ohhhhh I see. Yeah bitch what do you see? Don't feel sorry for me I love that boy, he might not get it academically but he will have life skills! Not to mention he is hilarious! All this comes back around and so my answer then is yes. Yes it's enough for me to raise my 7 children with all the ups, downs, proud moments, embarrassing moments,the really awesome ones that you wish would never end and the ones that can't end quick enough! So then I am me, hubby's wife and One Tired Mama!

Unfair

Isnt it funny how kids think they own "not fair". Listen I'll tell you what's unfair

1. Now that everyone sleeps through the night I don't
2. I overeat over the weekend and gain 3 pounds
3. It takes 2 weeks to lose the dam 3 pounds!
4. The twins have me running all day, how is it I haven't lost weight?
5. Everyone says they don't expect anything but they lie!! Hon um are you eatng Lunch today? Why I ask? Oh that's right cuz I'm supposed to stop what I'm doing and make lunch!
Mom did you wash my jeans? Mom what's for dinner? Mom can I have a friend over? Mom can you pick her up? Ughh there are no good snacks! Snacks? Be thankful you can eat at all!!

Just a few of em I've been dealing with lately....

Change

I have accepted fear as a part of life, specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: Turn back, turn back; you'll die if you venture too far."
– Erica Jong

I hate change. Since the twins my life has been in a constant state of change. It all started when I said to my hubby just one more, nothing will change! Boy did God get the last laugh on that one! The twins have been the most awesome, challenging, amazing, hardest blessing of my life. Just when you feel like you are getting the hang of things you need to go on to the next thing. Then out of the blue my daughter grew up. She turned 18, graduated HS got involved in a serious relationship and moved out. WTF? How did that happen? I remember like yesterday her saying hi mama, can you polish my nails? Can you do my hair etc. Now she's a woman living on her own. It's been quite an adjustment for both of us. I miss her, and the house felt weird for quite a while. I made a New Years truce with her and boyfriend and things have been better. It is so hard to let go. Just when I feel like I'm coming to terms with all that, my second oldest goes and gets her license! She's off sleeping at friends houses going to the movies etc. WTF? When did that happen? How is it my baby's are so old? When did I get so old? Which leads me to the next change that has me flipped! I am turning 40 this year! WTF? 40? When did I get so old?where does the time go?so 2012 is already off to an adventurous start! I can't even imagine what this year will bring. All I know is I'm just living day by day, enjoying every exhausting, demanding, frustrating crazy minute! If 20 years can just fly by, I don't want to miss a single minute!

Change happens when the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go.

My sayings

I have several things I say constantly! My daughter used to joke that she was going to make me a tape soo I could just play it and not have to say it! I also say a few things that not everyone else says like stop being fresh, watch it wise guy,and you are on thin ice. These are my top 10

1. Kids play that's what they do they play, so GO PLAY!
2. You are not the parent or co parent
3. I hold up my hand and say parents here, kids here you are ALL equal!
4. Know your place. I'm not your friend I'm your mother, dont EVER TALK TO ME THAT WAY AGAIN!
5. I'm sorry the answer is no. NOTHING GOOD happens after midnight!
6. I need a wife! I would make messes all day too if I knew someone would be behind me picking it up!
7. Blood is thicker than water, be nice to your siblings your friends will turn on you.
8. Yes so and so is my favorite!
9. I'm going to beat you to a pulp!
10. I'm going to slap you silly!

My top 3 hiding places

Isnt it strange that I even have to hide? This is probably one of my least favorite double standards I live with. I mean if hubby wants to shower, play a game, stay on his iPad, make a phone call, run an errand, go outside whatever you can think of he just goes. I wish I had that luxury! I cant even go to the bathroom without someone walking in on me! And I can't tell you how many times I've set up a nice relaxing bath and hubby will actually come in and sit on the toilet! I mean really? Why do you think I'm in the bath when ALL the kids are sleeping? Anyway to sneak away I sometimes go in the garage since my laundry is out there. It takes him quite awhile to come looking for me. I mean the last thing he wants to do is laundry! My next place is my closet. Sometimes I just pretend I'm looking at my clothes, or trying outfits on! And even tho I'm usually interrupted my fav place to hide is the bathroom! At least you can lock the door! uh oh gotta go someone's looking for me now!

Tv show

You know those moments when it feels like you are really connecting with your children? The ones where it seems they are genuinely listening and are interested in what you are saying? The moments where it feels like, yes, this is what being a mom is all about, sharing your life experience with your children. When you feel like, maybe I can save them from making some of the mistakes I made at their age. Well I was talking to my teenage daughter about something important and I was having all of those feelings.I felt like, wow she is really listening to me. I thought she was about to say something like thanks mom, you are so intune with life, I am so impressed and will take what you know to heart. When instead the little brat turns to me and says mom are you sure you even know what you're talking about? You don't even have your own tv show! Tv show? Is she kidding me? I have life experience I don't need a damn show! I mean really what the hell was she thinkng responding like that?