Looking forward.....2013

No more excuses

Ever wake up, and think, how did I end up here? Not in the I drank so much last night way, in the way of you feel lost, yet your in the same place you have always been? I think it's been gradual, it's happened over a lot of years, a lot of children, some of it is laziness, complacency, whatever it is, I'm over it. Things are changing, and this is the year I see it through. I think one of the biggest disappointing realities for me has been that the older I got, the harder life got. I always thought when I was younger, as I got older I would be more confident, sure of who I was and I would have a clear direction for my life. HA! That didn't happen. Actually the opposite did. I've spent the last year thinking about what needs to change. Here is what I've come up with.....
First, I have to lose weight. I went through the I just had twins its ok, then I'm old, married, had 7 children blah blah. All just excuses. The truth is for me, whether it's shallow or not I don't care. Looking good is important to me. The heavier I am, the less confident I am, and I feel like crap. Now I say, I don't look my age, I have a few good years left, and I have a goal dress for my daughters high school graduation in May. I've lost 10 pounds since thanksgiving, and I feel amazing already! Can't imagine how good 20 more will feel.
I will work out, when I can. My life isn't really in a place right now I can work out everyday for hours. If I have 20 minutes today, then I will use it. As I get more fit, I will probably up my workouts. For now, I do walking miles. 2-5 when I can, but at least 3 times a week.
I will do something for myself EVERY DAY! This may sound silly, but as I said, I ended up in a bad place. Always last, not taking care of myself. I don't think I was even on my list of things to do. I will work out, shower, take a bath, read, watch tv, talk on the phone, write, whatever I decide for that day. I will also get an eye exam, and go to the dentist. If I'm able I will get my nails done.
I will not do everything anymore. Actually, I've been making this change already and I've had great results. Why I waited all these years, and kids to start is beyond me. I'm one person, and taking care of 9 people's needs is too much. Everyone helps out whether they like it or not, from the garbage to laundry. With my older kids, if they want something from me, they have to earn it, work for it, some how. Yesterday my daughter cleaned the bathroom before she could go to the movies.
I am a very outspoken person, except where my husband is concerned. This is really the area I've most lost myself. I still can't figure out how it's happened. I will find my voice, not be afraid of conflict, and talk about real issues. You know things are great when you don't talk about real life, or use the kids as an excuse. There are a couple things that need to change, and this is the year I make it happen. I'm done making sure everything is ok for my husband. How about things are how I like it? I'm not smoothing everything out anymore. If I don't agree, or like something, I will speak up. If my feelings are hurt, I will say it, etc. stuff like that. Sounds silly I know. If you would have told me 15 years ago I would be in the place I'm in now, I would've laughed at you. Yeah, mama wants that feisty girl back, I like her. This complacent little housewife, um yeah, not so much.
I don't really have too many goals where the kids are concerned, just the usual like, hold them accountable, don't let them disrespect me, and be positive.
You know what I realized? I'm actually not a negative person. I was raised by a negative mother, and my husband can be quite negative. I've spent years trying to not slip into negativity while surrounded by negativity! The good news is, this is one issue I've brought up with the husband, and one of his goals this year is to be a positive influence over the family, so I have good feelings about it.

I'm on my way......

Ok, here is what I figured out........

I am done having children. 

I remember asking other moms, how do you know when you are done? They said you will just know. Yep, now I know. 7 is enough for me :D

Being a stay at home mom is not always fulfilling.

I guess since I have been doing this for 19 years now, I realize I'm getting tired of it. The upside is, yes I do have older children now and I make them work around the house.

With what I know now, I will help my daughters set things up a little different. 

Yes, being home does mean you do most of the work, but I think when your husband comes home, you should get an hour to yourself and he can take care of the kids. I also think he should help with  doctor and dentist appointments, as well as parent teacher conferences, or taking them to a friends house. I also think a call on the way home with hey honey do you need anything? Would be nice since I know I need milk or bread most of the time.

It's important to make yourself a priority.

I don't know exactly how it happened, but over the years I kinda lost myself. I have been fighting to come back for the last two. I'm finally seeing positive changes, and it's nice to be back. It's weird to me how this even happens. I guess since I spent so many years pregnant, and with a baby I got so caught up in the day to day taking care of everyone else but me. You would think it would be easy, but actually it's been hard to take time for myself everyday. My husband is adjusting to the change, and so are the kids.

Looking forward

As I reflect over my life, I realize being a stay at home mom has been the greatest blessing. I wouldn't want it any other way. I have enjoyed seeing each of my children grow up. There is no way I could be less of a mom, or not here for the twins like I was the other 5. It's actually bittersweet, part of me is glad to be done with each stage as it passes, and the other part of me can't believe this stage of having children is coming to an end. I'm excited and scared all at the same time when I think about how different even the next 3 years will be. I will have 3 grown children, and all of my kids will be in school.  I'm making small changes everyday, so the family won't go into shock and wonder what is going in with me! All I know is the frumpy housewife days are done!! :)

Teens

Teens

The teen years bring plenty of challenges. Actually that's the understatement of the century! They bring you to the brink of your sanity, make you question and doubt everything you have ever taught them, but there are some tender sweet moments that make you burst with pride, or just melt your heart. I was unprepared for what these years would be like. I thought I would share the worst and the best of it.

The worst things about teens

They need to be prompted on what to say, more than your toddlers do

They are a bad influence on the younger children in the home, from what they say to what they watch on TV

They think they are always right

It is never enough or fair to them no matter the situation

The drama has no end! From she's in my room, to a fight with a friend

It's always someone else's fault

They think they should be allowed to do whatever plan they come up with

The attitude and eye rolls are off the charts

Everyone else's parents let their kids do and have everything. They tell you this and expect you to care about it!!

The best thing about teens

They are independent. They don't need you to get them a drink, dress them, give them a bath etc

They don't need to be entertained by you

They like a break from you

They do their own homework

They can cook, clean, and do laundry

You can leave them home alone

They can babysit the younger ones

You can have a real conversation with them

You can watch TV together

You can read the same books and discuss it

They take care of you when you are sick

You can plan a whole day of lunch, shopping etc and they don't want to be held, and if they need to go to the bathroom they can just go,  and you don't need the stroller!

When they drive, they can help with errands and picking and dropping the younger ones off somewhere

They LOVE to SLEEP!!!!! All night, and LATE in the MORNING!!

The tender moments with teens might be far and few between, but when they come the memory lasts forever! I've been lucky enough to have some serious heart to hearts with my teen daughters. When they tell you they love you, or they tell you you're a good mom they mean it. My drama queen did her essay on me. It's about how I inspire her!  

 So hang in there! Sometimes they surprise you and clean the bathroom! Even on the most awful days, there is always something wonderful too! Even if it's just a simple unprompted I'm sorry, or hug that says I love you Mom.

What I'm thankful for

Thankful  2012

It's not that I'm not thankful all year, but November is the month I really sit back and think about the last year. The older I'm getting the years are going faster. It seems only weeks ago I was doing this, but it was actually a whole year already! It always amazes me how much happens in a year. 

 I really can't believe my twins are going to be 3! It may sound silly but I'm thankful to have made it through the last year! LOL they give me a run for my money everyday! They are the hardest most amazing blessing! Watching them grow together, seeing their relationship, and the joy they bring me everyday warms my heart. 

My 9 year old is so smart, it's such a relief to not have school problems with her.  I'm thankful she's starting to find herself, she was really put out from the twins. She went from being the baby with lots of attention, to having the twins take her place. I'm so thankful how much she loves them. I love to see her read with them or play with them.

My 11 year old boy.....I'm so thankful for all his progress. Even though there have been some issues at school, it seems some things are getting better. I'm thankful he loves his sisters. Yeah he will joke about it, but he and my 9 yr old are best friends. I love listening to them talk, and laugh together. He also is such a big help with the twins.

My 14 yr old drama queen.....I'm thankful she's is HS. As she gets older, a lot is getting better. It's easier to get my point across when I can take away her phone, computer time hanging out etc. I'm also so thankful she adjusted so well to HS and is getting good grades.

My 17 yr old....I'm thankful she is doing so well in school, and life. She is really a well adjusted, smart young lady. I can't believe she is graduating! It brings me such joy to see her play tennis.

My 19 yr old....I'm thankful she's back HOME! It's been a rough year for her and me! I'm thankful she is getting her life back on track! I'm thankful for our relationship.

The hubby....where to begin? I'm thankful for him EVERYDAY! He is such a good husband and father. We've come a long way this past year. Between the twins and oldest, and my almost nervous breakdown, we had our share of tense, angry times. I'm the most thankful we weathered our first real storm together and came out stronger. It's such a blessing to have a husband who understands, or at least tries to, and who backs you up, and encourages you on the days you feel like the worst mother on the planet. We are a united front when it comes to raising the children. He helps with the twins, or running an errand, or whatever I need that day. Yeah I complain sometimes, but I know how blessed I am to have him.

My mom....I am so thankful first of all that she's here! Still alive! She had a few scares this year, with another heart surgery, a spot on her lung, and adjusting to new medications. She is my best friend, we talk everyday and I'm thankful for her love and how she's so supportive of me and my family. We've come a long way. She never understood why I had so many kids, we had some issues to work through and I'm so blessed to have made my peace with her and that she's a part of my life. 

There is so much more I'm thankful for as well. I'm thankful work has been coming through for my husband, good health, my house, my car, being able to put food on the table, and most of all I'm thankful to be a stay at home mom. It's not always easy, but I wouldn't want it any other way.

What my older kids taught me

What my older kids have taught me so far.......

Older kids make you appreciate the younger ones.

I realize now what you miss, you miss the ease of little kids where they are just happy to see you, need you, and they are easily entertained.

You miss being young yourself.

For me I find freedom when they move out. Decisions they make are their own. I'm an out of sight out of mind type person. For example my daughter could stop by before a party, once she leaves I don't think about it. When she is living home, it's ALL I think about. Is she drinking? Will she drive? How is she getting home? Where is she? Who is she with? Is she safe?

There is nothing better than Cuddling little ones. For ex it was chilly this morning, my girls jumped in my bed and we snuggled watching tv for an hour! Hard to be cranky after that :)

I am going to put my time and energy in my younger children who still want me, need me etc..

I am taking it one day at a time.....I've hit a point in my life where I have a lot going on. I need to chill, take care of myself etc. being tired, cranky, and frazzled isn't helping me be a good mom.

I need to find healthy ways to relieve stress.....not sure with the holidays coming up I will have much luck considering food is my first choice

I'm a mom. I look like a mom, talk like a mom. I can't turn the mom off, so I'm going to embrace it. I just care too much, oh well guess my kids can say I loved them to death, it could be worse......

Here is what I know.....

Here is what I know

Parenting is HARD!! The older I get some things are becoming clearer. You know those parents you find so annoying? Guess what? They are just like you. Trying to figure out this parenting thing. You know what else? They love their kids. There is no right answer for parenting. Just like we are all different, so are our children, and what works for one, doesn't work for another.

The complaining parent, probably sometimes does wonder why she had kids. It's not all sunshine and lollipops.

The bragging parent is probably just trying to focus on the positive since she's dealing with issues you have no clue about.

The parent whose child always seems to do everything the best, probably just has parents who feel so blessed. Maybe this was their after miscarriage baby, maybe this is their miracle baby that took them years to have.

The parents who always have statistics or some article they read, might have Aspergers, or be so insecure in their parenting that the only way they feel confident is if some study backs them.

The know it all parent, is probably just trying to help you, since they went through it all alone and know how hard it is.

Lately all you hear about is bullying. How do we expect our kids to be tolerant, accepting, kind etc, when we as parents can't even let other parents raise their child as they see fit? Maybe you don't yell, great, but just because a mom yells at her kids doesn't make her a bad mom. You wouldn't let your kids play outside alone, great, but the mom that does, doesn't love her kids any less. Your kids were off the bottle, never co slept, no pacifiers or loveys, great. But the parents that do this, love their kids and it works for them.

We need to be the example. We need to encourage, and support each other. We want change for our children? We need to be the change!

Weird Place

Weird Place

It's no secret I have been struggling this last year. My oldest really did a number on me when she moved in with her boyfriend, and dropped out of college. I know it could've been worse. I know it doesn't mean I'm a bad mom. But I tell you, it has really thrown me off. I guess its because growing up she was so different. She didn't really give any signs that she would just turn on me, how she was raised and just do the opposite. I let her go. I let her fail. Now she is back home, jerk boyfriend finally out of the picture. I should be so happy, things should be back on track. Yet things are just weird. I like knowing she's home safe, away from boyfriend, but this transition to grown children is harder than a newborn to me. 

Add to that I turned 40, I have over 20 extra pounds since the twins, my in laws moved 5 minutes away, my mom is having some heart issues again, the twins suck me dry everyday, and did I mention my boys Autism, and trouble in school?

When I think about everything I'm like ok, no wonder I'm having a mid life crisis! I have become one of those women who has a lot of problems!

I have to put more of an effort these days to focus on the positive, and find my happy place. I tire more easily, I don't always feel good, and some days are just exhausting.

I have found since I started my page, and realized I was not alone, and all the wonderful women out there who are supportive, encouraging and going through the same things (yes, misery lives company LOL) have helped me tremendously.

Now I feel in sharing my journey, maybe I can help someone like so many have helped me. 

It's weird being a grown woman, and sometimes not knowing who I am, or what I want or need. It's like where did I go? Oh wait, I didn't go anywhere, I'm right here. For me being a wife and mother is everything. I am fulfilled, happy, and want for nothing. Sometimes I just need a break, and some time to refresh. Thankfully I have finally come to a place with my husband where he gets it, well at least he tries to understand it, and helps me, either with day to day, or taking over for an hour where I can leave the house, or go in my room and enjoy a long hot bath in peace.

I'm slowly coming back to my true self. I realized on vacation that you know what? I don't look that bad, I'm an older woman now it's ok. My glory days are behind me, it's my daughters time to shine. If I lose weight, I do, if not no big deal. I'm done torturing myself about it. 

I'm allowed to have bad days, good days, be cranky etc. I don't feel guilty for taking care of myself. A healthy mom is a good mom.  Some days a lot gets done, and others I'm in pjs all day, and you know what? Nothing, that's right, it's ok! Kids are still taken care of, food is on the table.

So weird place it is, and it's ok. I'm at the stage in life where every year brings new changes, and I hate change! LOL