Back to school time!

Getting ready for school

It's the final countdown for us. School starts August6. You know that Staples commercial? The one where, "It's the most wonderful time of the year" is playing? And parents are skipping down the aisles, with the kids sad dragging behind them? Well, yep it's like that! It has been a great summer, but the kids are getting bored. We laughed, played games, did lots of swimming, watched movies, went to the library and a water park a few times. Even though I get tired of the back and forth, and homework, I'm ready for the break! And the kids need school! 

So this year, my drama queen is starting HS! A freshman, time goes so fast! She is so funny though. She is way too concerned about her looks and boys! She is trouble with a capital T! She is already hassling me about having a boyfriend, and school didn't even start! I have my eyes wide open where she is concerned. The cool thing is our school offers awesome programs, and she is taking theater and dance. Then she's on track for beauty school jr year. She is the type that does just enough, so I think she will be fine where grades are concerned.

My oldest living home is a senior this year! I feel like my oldest just graduated, and now my next one is graduating!  I feel the shift already. She's had a an active summer with friends, going out and driving around by herself.  I ordered the yearbook, now it's class ring, scholarships, applying to college, college tours, senior prom etc! I'm trying to prepare myself this time, so I don't have another crisis when she moves out! The difference here is her absence will be felt huge! My son is VERY attached to her, and she's the peacemaker in the house. They all say she is my favorite sister. 

My son is starting 6 th grade this year. I take it one day at a time with him. In case you haven't been following me, he's on the spectrum, high functioning, and every year is a new experience to say the least. He's already getting anxious, biting his finger nails, making sure everything is set up, from sharpening his pencils, to how his back pack is organized. We haven't gotten a letter yet from his teacher for back to school night, and he checks the mail EVERYDAY! The good news is, one of his favorite teachers and mine is going to sixth grade also! So I'm thinking it should be a good year. I have his IEP all set up, so we will see.

My girl is a fourth grader this year! She is so smart, she just hasn't had a teacher really tap into how smart she is. Last year her teacher was a real bitch, but I tried to keep it cool for my daughters sake. I tried fighting her on grades, and she wouldn't budge! It's funny, because since she is after my son, I almost feel bad for the teacher! I will not let another one of my children fall behind! When you have smart kids, they nit pick. For ex, she got points off for spelling on a test that's not a spelling test. Her thankful letter at thanksgiving got a D! Meanwhile, she had run on sentences. Give me a break! My sons letter says I'm thankful for turkey, it's cool. Then she took points off for forgetting her name. Whatever! We are over it, she had good grades, and it's a new year now.

It will be good to have time with the twins alone! I love my kids, but the older ones are a bad influence on the toddlers! Plus now I can start table time, coloring, puzzles, counting, etc. they do a lot better when the others don't get involved.

And the number one reason school is the best time of the year is.....EARLY BEDTIMES!! YAY

Poem about my oldest

Letting go

Why is it so hard to let go?
I try not to let it show
How much this is killing me
Why don't you see
I didn't give any thought to this stage
Maybe I thought you would never age
You are my beautiful amazing girl
Now your life is in a whirl
How do I separate what I think you should do
With just spending time with you
People think its about control
But that's not it at all
You deserve every good thing this life has to offer
Instead you are settling for the life of a pauper
You should be with someone who wants what's best for you
Not someone who is taking advantage of you
Where is my sweet girl whose glass was always half full?
Now she's lost in world filled with bull

Having children changes your body

How having 7 children has changed my body image

My face is fuller                  It's from all the time smiling at my beauties
 My arms are big                 It's from all the time I spent holding my loves
My boobs hang low            They fed 7 children for years!          
My stomach hangs            It was home for 7 people!
My hips are wide                They are the perfect size for a toddler or two to sit on
My feet even grew            They needed to stabilize me with all the holding I do
My back aches                   How could it not with all it's been through? Gaining and losing weight, supporting my expanding uterus time and time again
My knees are weak           I'm sure this is from all the times I have gone up and down the stairs for something! Between caring for babes, forgetting something upstairs, and of course laundry and cleaning.

When I sit back and really think about all my body has done, it truly is amazing! I'm not fat, I have earned this body, nurturing 7 children! Every stretch mark, line on my face, dark circle under my eyes, even the changes in my hair! Our bodies are amazing, and we, as women, should give ourselves a break, and enjoy them, be proud of them whether they are fit, or um in my case not so fit. One thing I have to say, it even happened last night and this morning, everyone of my family loves my body. The kids love to sit next to me, on me or just hug me. They tell me I'm just so comfortable and comforting. My lap is big enough for double hugs from my twins. When I think about it, I wouldn't have it any other way.
So let's celebrate our bodies, and all they do for us, day in and day out. Even if they hurt, or ache, or just don't look like we want them to. :)

Changes

My kids are growing up and I'm growing older
I don't want these changes to make me colder
I need to find my way back
To the joy I feel I now lack
I keep thinking, this has to be just a phase
But I can't seem to see past the haze
Things are so hard right now
From my oldest moving out to not knowing how
To find my balance, in this next stage of life
I wasn't prepared that older kids would cause so much strife
I wish things didn't have to change, though I know that would be so lame
I 'm so far out of my comfort zone, not a day goes by that's the same
I'm trying to focus on all the ways change isn't so bad
Like having more freedom to come and go, then I've ever had
It would be so easy to focus on the best
If I could ever get a full nights rest
So I've gone all the way from diapers and toys
To Grade school and boys
Now seeing my children grow up, adds to the list of my joys

Spending time with 7

Inspired housewife asked a great question....
Okay here is another question how do you make time for each of your children? 
As you can imagine, having 7 children this is something I have enjoyed, found impossible, and felt guilt over. The amazing thing is when you have a large family, they get a lot of what they need from each other. They are very independent. They are aware at a young age, that I cannot be everywhere, with all of them paying attention to every single thing alll day long. Obviously babies and the young ones get the most time and attention. They still need it, want it and it's my job as mom to make them feel loved, safe and secure. Then when my husband and I have an errand to run, we usually take one of them. Even though food shopping might seem lame to you, for them it is one on one time for them. We talk, catch up, I let them pick out the cereal, juice and snacks for the week. We watch movies together, game together and eat dinner as a family EVERY night. They all have different interests, and things going on at school. So when it's their turn it's all about them. Birthdays are VERY special around here, since it is your day. You pick dinner, what kind of cake you want and we plan a party. I don't micro manage my kids lives. They need to play, read, use their imagination,  make their own friends, get exercise and spend time with me.
I'm actually glad I had the 5 of them first since now I feel the twins are the ultimate test! I probably feel the most guilt when it comes to them because you can't do for 2 what you did for one. For example, holding. Even now my back is breaking off because sometimes I will hold them both.  The schedule, I don't break it EVER. Having 2 tantruming cranky toddlers is enough to drive you to insanity! One is usually more compliant. It has been my mission to not favor one child over the other. Do you have any idea how hard this is with twins? Especially when one is literally throwing herself all over the floor, and the other is playing quietly?! 
At the end of the day, I did the best I could. I love them all, and they know it. Just like anything else, some days one needs more attention and time, and the others have to deal with it. Somedays I wish would last forever, and I think this is what its about. Somedays I wish would end quickly, and I want to run away!
Being a mom is hard, no matter how many kids you have.

Questions....

Ever have a problem but you don't know what it is?
What can it be? Am I lonely?
How can you feel alone, when people are always around?
Is it that so many changes are taking place?
Getting older? Kids growing up?
Life's moving on, am I?
So many thoughts, getting jumbled
How do I slow them down?
Why is this happening? Is there something wrong with me?
Life is not what I thought it would be, but what did I think it would be like?
How can I feel let down, when I'm not even sure what i want ?
I love being a wife and a mother, is there more?
Lately life feels like a chore
I ask myself, what do I want?
How can I not even know the answer?
I need to find a way to recharge
But my life's so full there is no way
How can I be so happy, so fulfilled, yet missing something?
Maybe I'm not missing anything
I feel the best years are behind me
I need to find my next thing, what can it be?
Where did my joy go?
Where are my so called friends? 
Guess I should've known that would end
Some thoughts are getting clearer
I feel like a failure because of my oldest and I don't know how to get past it
I know I have to, six more children are depending on it
But I'm left with questions, was it me? Did I do something wrong?
 Where do I go from here? Sometimes I feel like why bother?
How can you know so much intellectually, but can't separate your feelings?

Happy Birthday 5

Number 5, my namesake :)

Wow! Nine years have past! A lot sure has happened in these nine years, I had twins and a daughter graduate HS, not to mention a big move for my family. The biggest thing to me right now is I was only 30! Ah, to be that young again! Anyway this is about my beautiful daughter, not myself.
After my son was born, I just new I wasn't done having kids. Everyone thought since I finally had my boy I was done getting pregnant. Um, no. It was never about just getting to the boy! Anyway, this pregnancy kinda snuck up on me! We were seriously considering selling everything, getting an RV and traveling across America. Our family thought we had lost our minds! Well I got pregnant, and we took it as a sign to stay put. There was no way I could have a baby on the road! I always love being pregnant. This time was no different. I felt great. We found out it was going to be a girl so we started thinking about names. My husband actually said, why don't we name her after you? I'm like really? Are you sure? It's kinda cool, but I know everyone will hate it. My husbands like, yeah, since when do you care what everyone else thinks? So we decided to name her after me! I was really excited about it. Everyone else? Thought it was weird, why would we do that, blah blah blah....so this being my 5 th baby I figured I knew what this having baby stuff was all about. Yeah, God sure laughed at that! I figured I would go early, running around after all the kids. Um no, she was 5 days late. Then I figured I knew how labor was going to go....not even close! I started to have contractions, and my husband panicked. He called my mom she came rushing over and they seemed to slow down. I'm like let's just get some sleep. Well at 5am I woke up to a pop and boom, my water broke! All over the place! Yep real labor...there was no way I was going to stay home. Normally after my water breaks I have the baby. So we rushed to the hospital. At first things were normal. 5 cm active labor....then nothing....no contractions...no more dilation....I am one of those crazy all natural women. I have never even had an IV during labor! My midwife comes in and says your not progressing, I think you need pitocen. I was soooo upset, she said ok, let's start with an IV, maybe you are dehydrated. Well after an hour no change. I needed Pitocen. Let me just tell you, all natural with Pitocen has been the hardest labor of my life! I thought I was going to die! I was sooo mean and said some horrible things, but I did it! The most amazing part was, once the midwife got her head out, I pulled her the rest of the way right on to me! It was 3 pm and the nurses were changing shifts. She stayed on me for a half hour before we even knew what she weighed! When the nurse checked on us, she was already nursing, and said oh wow, ok I will get you cleaned up then take the baby! You want to know something else funny? My mom is in the delivery room every time, and has cut all the umbilical cords! So my beauty weighed 8lbs 6oz 
This was the first time I stayed in the hospital as long as they would let me!
Now she's 9! The cool thing is she is so much like me! We call her a nickname of my name so she has her own. From the time she was little she would say, oh that's my mom not me! Oh, I love her so :)