Bring it!!

So far this year is off to a trying start to say the least. It's like the kids forgot where they live, what type of mom I am and all the rules! They have been testing me from lying to disrespect, even twins got in on the action and did some backtalk! It's like even though I didn't say it out loud things were going to good. So now between the home stuff, bad grades, an in school suspension and wild twins I seriously had to put it down. I will not stop moving forward.

 I realized life is pushing back because big change is in the air around here. It started last year and it will only continue to evolve. This August the twins will start school and for the first time in my life there will be no more babies for me. It's bittersweet but at the same time very exciting! You see I got married at 19 and by the time I was 20 had a baby. I never really just thought about myself. I've been in the thick of kids and babies for over 20 years! I feel like I can actually put myself first for a change! To be honest it's weird, and I don't want to waste time feeling guilty. I've put my time in and now it's time for me! 

First step is reclaiming my body. As you can imagine having 7 kids has taken its toll. I'm eating better and working out. My focus is on feeling good, healthy and strong.

As long as my husband can handle it I plan to stay home. It may sound silly but I'm really looking forward to being alone! Maybe even bored and lonely! I have no idea what that feels like. I also just want to be able to do what I want when I want without an audience. You know the simple things, shower maybe even watch TV and not put the subtitles on. 

I want to figure out who I am besides wife and mother. Being a mother is the best part of me but I also know my identity can't be wrapped up in my kids. Having a big family has taught me that I have to have healthy boundaries or else I would have a nervous breakdown every time my kids did something wrong. I need to be strong and teach them how to cope with life's ups and downs.

So bring it 2015, I'm getting ready!

Enjoy the little things

 

 

Is it just me or do you have a hard time with this as well? You would think something as simple as this would be easy to do but honestly it's the complete opposite. Sometimes I'm so focused on what I have to do, the last thing I feel I have time to do is enjoy anything. The day goes so fast, I hardly ever accomplish all I need to in one day. I get so tired of the cooking, cleaning, wiping, laundry etc, and before I know it the kids are home, and it's I'm hungry, getting homework done, usually the bickering starts and I still have to figure out what time tryouts are done, drama queen has work and then of course cooking dinner! Whew… I have to make an effort every day to take the time to notice, let alone enjoy the little things! So here is my list for today…….

The weather was nice and I sat outside for a few minutes and felt the sun on my face.

My older daughter is still home from college.

The girls got juggle bubbles, and to see them smiling, laughing, bouncing bubbles around the living room brought a smile to my face.

 

 

 

Of course what I always enjoy is the quiet of the night when everyone is asleep!

 

What 2014 has taught me

When the year started I was feeling pretty down. I felt like everyone gets to do what they want except me, I was feeling fat and frumpy , and  out of shape. I decided it was time to make myself a priority and be confident in who I am.

So this is what I learned this year…….

 

It's ok if the house isn't totally picked up.

Dishes, laundry, toys on the floor,  etc will still be there tomorrow and the world won't come to an end.

 

It's ok for me to put myself first.

This has been the hardest, biggest change I have made this year. I still don't do it every day, but I always make sure I do at least one thing for myself EVERY DAY. Sometimes it's a really small thing, like a shower, a piece of chocolate, a show I want to watch. I have left the house alone to do something selfish and fun like my hair, or nails! I can't tell you how awesome that has been. I wanted my hair done for Christmas and so much needed to be done, so while I was getting my hair done my husband went food shopping!

 

Making the time to work out is worth it!

I try and work out as often as I can. Ideally 5-7 days a week but even 3 is ok. Not only have I lost 15 pounds, I dropped two sizes and best of all I feel strong and fit! I got a new kettle bell workout for Christmas and I can't wait to start it.

 

I finally feel confident enough in my parenting to tell anyone to step back, we are not looking for co parents!

Have you ever noticed when something major happens it's in front of other people? After Christmas my son got in trouble, and of course he was with his grandparents so they knew what happened. This time my husband and I were a united  front and even he told his parents to back off.

 

Parenting is a dance of keeping your kids close and letting go so they mature and get independent.

I hate when people say things like raise them right, trust your kids etc. The reality is good kids make bad choices, they know what's right and choose bad anyway. We always want to trust our kids, but sometimes we know we can't.

I realized family dynamics, ages of children etc are different for every family and its ok if someone doesn’t understand mine.

 

I'm exactly where I want to be.

Getting older is funny to me, I'm 42 years old and people still feel the need to tell me things I should be doing. Recently one of my husbands friends was over, and he asked me when the twins start school if I was going to work, and how even a little job making $350 a week would be nice, right? Um wrong! First of all not only is it none of his business but I'm exactly where I want to be. I know many people don't get it, and the art of being a homemaker is getting lost, but I don't plan on working. I want to give the twins the same experience all my other kids got. I want to help in the classroom, have lunch  with them, be home when they are out of school. Why should my older kids get them to and from school, help with homework and start dinner? It's my job and I'm not giving it up.

 

This is my mantra..

I am fit

I am a good mother/wife

I am HAPPY

I love my children for who they are

I focus on positive good things

I am proud of my family

 

~One Tired Mama

My child is not a reflection of me

I know what you're thinking as you read that statement, of course your child is a reflection of you. Well I'm here to tell you its not always the case. Have you noticed when your child does something good, gets good grades, says or does something that makes you proud, it's sooo easy to accept the compliments like way to go mom, wow, you sure are raising them right. But think of it this way, why would you take credit for your child's accomplishments? It's all them, they did the work. So in the same way I don't take credit for the misbehavior of my children, especially Drama Queen.
When you have an extremely defiant child, it's easy to feel like you're doing something wrong, you're not a good parent etc. This is where you have to be really careful. It can make you depressed and it can take the joy out of being a mother.  I finally realized I needed to stop taking on Drama Queens personality as my responsibility. I just needed to accept her for who she is. This doesn’t mean that I agree with her behavior all the time, or how she treats friends, or even her siblings. It means I realize she is a person outside of me and she will find her own path.
As you can imagine this has been the hardest journey for me. My older two daughters were not like this. Drama Queen is the after miscarriage baby who was supposed to have Downs Syndrome miracle baby! It's not supposed to be like this! She will be 16 in January, and every year I hope things get better. As always some things do and other things never change. So, I changed the one thing I have control over, MYSELF. I no longer am embarrassed, or feel like a bad mom because my daughter acts a certain way, gets in trouble, or makes a bad decision. It's like, ok where do we go from here? What lesson am I trying to teach her? I want her to know I'm always here for her, she can trust me, and that HOME is a safe place. We all love and accept her in this house. On the days she's pushed me to the brink, I remember my own advice and walk away, I don't get sucked in. I tell her to go to her room.
I have hope in the fact that she's still young and  you really can’t predict where people are going to end up in life when they're only 15! All I know is I do the best I can every day. People may judge, but I know inside of me that I’m a good mom.











Sent from my iPhone

Mid life is like being a teenager

Getting older is not at all how I thought it would be. In some ways I feel more and more like a teen all the time. Here's what I mean...
I find myself thinking why bother a lot.
My period makes me wicked crabby, crampy and bloated.
I get pimples.
I could sleep all day.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
I'm moody.
I don't want to cook, clean or do laundry.
I just want to have fun.
I want to be left alone.
I'm attached to my cell phone.
I love to text.
I keep things from my mom.
Sometimes it's never enough.
I have a problem, but I have no idea what it is.
I want to run away.

How to keep your sanity when you have difficult teenagers....

As you know I have a difficult teen I call drama queen. I guess you can say she's a typical teen of this time, but I don't like it one bit. It's been hard especially since she's my third child and so very different from everyone else. Maybe it is just middle child syndrome and she will be fine when she grows up and we will be best friends. But now, I find her disrespectful, rude, nasty, treats everyone in the house like crap, she does things on purpose just to be annoying and cause trouble. Oh, and the drama has no end, from her hair and clothes, to the boyfriend she wasn't supposed to have, to friend drama. She is overwhelming, loud, and stressful to put it mildly.
I wish I could say I've handled it well, with grace and maturity. Actually the opposite is true. I've let my feelings get hurt, they cloud my judgement, I over react and say things I shouldn't. I'm learning, and each day gets better, and the days I blow it, I forgive myself. This parenting journey is hard!
So, I've done some research, read some articles, tried some things, and when I pause and think instead of react this is what I do........

The first thing is to realize when your child is acting out, calling names being disrespectful is, don't take it personally. I know easier said then done. Take a breath, calmly say it’s not okay to speak to me that way, I don’t like it. Then walk away.

I don't believe in giving your child a second or third chance when he’s nasty or rude to you.

Its our job as a parent to teach our kids how to behave appropriately and to be respectful toward others as they grow up. Respect starts in the home. I often tell her to treat others how she wants to be treated.

Parenting has always been a balance between thinking and feeling, and both are very important. But don't get sucked into your teenagers disrespect, think first, then react.

This is some things to say to your teen before things get totally out of control.....
Is something wrong? Why are you using that tone with me?
How come you get sarcastic every time we talk?
It's your job to make me understand, and sarcasm doesn't help
There is no name calling around this house

I also feel parenting is not a popularity contest. You need to be in control and you need to set some limits. Your child is not your partner or your peer.

When you are setting limits, and dealing with your teen think about what lesson does my child need to learn? What should I teach her here?
The lesson should be related to the kind of person you want your child to grow into.

You also want them to learn how to think for themselves and make good choices. In the end, we want our kids to be independent thinkers who are able to function as healthy adults in society.

21 years ago I married my best friend....

I met my husband when I was 15, a sophomore in high school. A point my teenagers like to make often. I tell them yes I did fall in love at 15, but you have to remember dad and I are the exception to the rule! You see, I was what you would call an old soul. I grew up fast, barely had a childhood, and I did a lot of living by the time I married at 19. I was more than ready to be a wife, and a mother.
The early years are some of my fondest memories. Being young, setting up our first house, having our first few babies. Those were the days! I found joy in everything I did, whether it was taking care of the kids, my husband or the house. I had so many plans, thoughts, and pictures of how I thought the rest of my life was going to go. This was my big mistake! I set myself up for disappointment. This journey, being a wife, and mother has a life of its own, and I have little control over it! My new thing now, and what I'm telling my kids is to just limit planning, let things just be, go with the flow, see where things are going, and LIVE! Enjoy being young, and don't rush everything.
When you're together over 20 years it's a long time. I'm at the point now I don't know my life without my husband. You're talking 26 years of my life!
After all these years we have weathered quite a few storms. I realize now, marriage takes a lot of give and take. It's all about compromise, protecting your marriage, and spending time together. These things don't come as easily as they do in the early years. Life is stressful, work, money issues, in laws, kids, it gets overwhelming sometimes. It's funny how easy it is to start blaming each other, not really talking, letting the kids come between you, fighting about dumb things that really aren't important. The reality is our kids grow up and move out, we will probably never have enough money, and life is stressful.
You know what I figured out? When I'm sad, mad, happy, want to go out, have fun, need a hug, you know who's always there? That's right, my best friend, the love of my life, my HUSBAND! I'm so thankful that after all these years we not only still love each other, we love to spend TIME with each other. I'm looking forward to all the years we will have together. :)