Birthdays

Isn't it funny how when you are a kid you can't wait until your birthday! Everything about it is so exciting. What kind of party, a home party or one out. What kind of cake and who is coming. Then the most exciting part of it all....you are one year older! I used to love home parties and ice cream cake when I was a kid.  First it's 10, suddenly you are double digits and you are on your way. Then 13 comes around and it's like wow, I'm a teenager, oh yeah!! Then 16, oh sweet 16....driving permits, sometimes a license depending where you live, proms, boyfriends, never a dull moment. Then 18, wow, I graduated HS, I'm a legal adult, and it's time to get my life started. The next big mile stone is 21. Lucky 21. Suddenly it's I'm legal!! I can drink alcohol!! Being in your 20's is an amazing time. Still so young yet getting older and more mature every year.  I got married and had kids right away, so for me my 20's were all about being a mom and homemaker. Then one day you are 29. This is when you start thinking, um wow...I'm getting old, 30?! No way...am I where I wanted to be by now? 30 comes and goes and it's not bad. You feel mature, still young enough to be considered hot, and most people can't believe your not in your 20's you look so good. Someone said to me once that you're not even really an adult until you are 35. In my head I laughed it off and thought, yeah that's because you are old. Then it happened to me. I turned 35. Seriously I can't believe how different I felt, my outlook on life, and what was really important. It's like suddenly things are starting to come into focus. The things that seemed so important in your 20's suddenly seem so dumb, shallow even. My focus switched to what's best for my family, not what everyone else thinks is best for my family. A big issue for me was children. Even family wasn't very supportive when we had 5 children.  So you could imagine what was said when I was 37 and pregnant with twins!! Now I'm just a couple short months away from 40, and wow. 40... Honestly, there is nothing I like about it. It's a terrible number, it makes me feel old and everything is harder already. I still have 23 pounds on me from the twins and  I have a hard time sleeping now! Alright, the one positive thing is I'm more confident in who I am and who I am not. I don't look for other peoples approval, or advice. I live my life on my own terms, finally! If I don't feel like doing something, I don't do it. I really don't have much mommy guilt. I do my best and that's all I can do. It's freeing, actually saying no. I am learning to stop looking for the next thing, and focus on today, and what I have. Time goes so quickly, and it's so uncertain. For now, I am still focused on being a wife and mother. What the future holds? I'm still not sure.....I will have to let you know in the next five years :)