Wednesday, August 27, 2014

My child is not a reflection of me

I know what you're thinking as you read that statement, of course your child is a reflection of you. Well I'm here to tell you its not always the case. Have you noticed when your child does something good, gets good grades, says or does something that makes you proud, it's sooo easy to accept the compliments like way to go mom, wow, you sure are raising them right. But think of it this way, why would you take credit for your child's accomplishments? It's all them, they did the work. So in the same way I don't take credit for the misbehavior of my children, especially Drama Queen.
When you have an extremely defiant child, it's easy to feel like you're doing something wrong, you're not a good parent etc. This is where you have to be really careful. It can make you depressed and it can take the joy out of being a mother.  I finally realized I needed to stop taking on Drama Queens personality as my responsibility. I just needed to accept her for who she is. This doesn’t mean that I agree with her behavior all the time, or how she treats friends, or even her siblings. It means I realize she is a person outside of me and she will find her own path.
As you can imagine this has been the hardest journey for me. My older two daughters were not like this. Drama Queen is the after miscarriage baby who was supposed to have Downs Syndrome miracle baby! It's not supposed to be like this! She will be 16 in January, and every year I hope things get better. As always some things do and other things never change. So, I changed the one thing I have control over, MYSELF. I no longer am embarrassed, or feel like a bad mom because my daughter acts a certain way, gets in trouble, or makes a bad decision. It's like, ok where do we go from here? What lesson am I trying to teach her? I want her to know I'm always here for her, she can trust me, and that HOME is a safe place. We all love and accept her in this house. On the days she's pushed me to the brink, I remember my own advice and walk away, I don't get sucked in. I tell her to go to her room.
I have hope in the fact that she's still young and  you really can’t predict where people are going to end up in life when they're only 15! All I know is I do the best I can every day. People may judge, but I know inside of me that I’m a good mom.

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