Wednesday, March 20, 2013

Parenting perspective is everything..........

If you notice in life, perspective is everything.
Most people with young kids, even though they are tired, are loving every minute of it.
The women with teens/older kids that haven't really done anything against the family can't figure out what's not great about being a mom.
My life has been harder than I expected, but I am stronger because of it.
I know the pain of losing two babies
I know the toll a defiant teen takes
I know what it's like to have to fight for my son, at school, and sometimes everywhere!
I know the heartache of a daughter turning against her family and in the process suffering some bad consequences.
What I do know, is the hard times make the good times even more joyous
I know the joy of a child who I am very close with. She graduated with honors, made some bad choices, and has since come back to me, and our home. She has totally turned her life around, and I couldn't be more proud of her.
I know the joy of a child who made it to state honor band, is top of her class, and the top tennis player on her team
I know drama like no other! LOL, seriously though my drama queen cares deeply, we have had some sweet moments, she definitely has a mind of her own, and she is so talented when it comes to hair and makeup
I know the joy of progress. When I think about how far my son has come, it brings tears to my eyes. He is the most tender hearted, funny, amazing kid.
I know the joy of having a 9 year old who in some ways is more mature than her older sisters! She is curious, observant, and so smart. She has so many talents, drawing, playing the flute, she makes crafts out of everyday stuff. She loves so deeply and open.
I know the joy of twins! From the amazing pregnancy, that at 37 yes I did carry them to term! To how different their relationship is with each other than just a sister. To see how even though they are the same, they are so different. To see their own likes, and dislikes, their little personalities starting to shine. To how fun they are. Every where we go it's an adventure. They make the boring everyday nonsense less boring. I didn't know I had it in me. I was scared to death to have twins. Might sound dumb, but I'm so proud they are potty trained! That was quite the adventure!
What I have learned through all this is I try to never take a day for granted. Kids are kids, and we don't have the control people like to think we do as parents. Good kids make bad choices. When a teen is spiraling out of control, sometimes it has nothing to do with her home life, or her parents suck. Dont be so quick to judge what you don't understand. Some kindness and compassion go a long way. We all as parents want what's best for our kids, we just do it differently. What works, and motivates one kid, doesn't work for all of them. Parenting is hard, and there is no "right way" there is only the way that works for you.

Wednesday, March 6, 2013

Being a wife, mother and being yourself is not an easy balance

Parenting is the hardest journey of our lives! We start out so in love with our babes, hopeful of the future and who they will become. We have all these hopes and dreams for them whether we admit it or not. We all start this journey thinking, my mom did this and I hated it I won't do that, or I want to be the type of mother I had growing up. Add in the husbands, more kids, in laws, for some blended families and suddenly it's nothing like when you were growing up and it's definitely not how you envisioned it would be. But guess what? It's ok. Life is really just one big mystery. No one has all the answers, and what works for some families doesn't work for all. BUT, EVERYONE has their issues. Don't let anyone fool you into believing everything is great all the time. That their kids are just so perfect, follow all the rules and are "A" students. We all have our unique struggle. Always remember you were chosen to be the mom of your children.
Then if that's not complicated enough, we as women start changing. Our kids start growing up, and for some of us the process is really difficult. We know we are preparing our kids to live life on their own and be responsible adults. But when it's happening, the natural process of kids growing apart from you, it is sometimes painful and bittersweet at its best. Yes we complain, and want a break. But we want it when they are 3! Not when we see the awesome people they are, how we can have a real conversation with them now. But now they are a senior in HS and we know we have to start letting them go, or they won't be prepared for college, or how to make decisions on their own. So what do we do? We say sure go, have some fun, be safe, be home on time, wave goodbye, and when they leave the sadness creeps in. Wow, what am I going to do this summer when she's not here anymore? She won't even have to ask or tell me she's going to the movies. Will I talk to her everyday? Will she be ok? Actually the real question is will I be okay?
Well, if you're like me, you don't have a choice. I have a house full of kids, and I can't get consumed by sadness. I have to prep the younger ones that it's ok, she will be home when she can, breaks and holidays. Hey we can Skype! Meanwhile I'm crying inside. When did my baby grow up?
Then on top of all that for some reason when we hit 40, it's like being a teen all over again. Our hormones are changing, our skin, hair, body suddenly look different. Our feelings and emotions seem like they are on overdrive. For me, most of the time I get angry. Everything annoys me! Was it always like this, or am I just noticing it now? Why is it like this? I have less patience, I'm not in the mood for anything sometimes. Then out of nowhere I will feel down. For me, I'm not used to these feelings. I don't like them at all. I am the type who barely cries, some have even called me ice queen. It's not that I don't have feelings or empathy, I just don't see a need to cry about it. I'm a thinker, doer, just fix it right? Well sometimes WRONG! I'm going about my day and bam, something triggered and I feel a couple tears sneaking out. Thankfully it comes and goes, I'm getting a handle on it. It made me realize, wow, if people who are depressed feel like this alll the time, no wonder they are having such a hard time. For me, for now, I'm riding it out. I am very in touch with my feelings, talk about them, and I realized more women feel like this than they admit. We all cope in our own ways, and I guess that's why it's so hard for me to let go of the food. It makes me feel better. Started as a kid, and since I was 9 food is my best friend. Weird I know, but like I said, we all have our issues.
Thankfully I have a very understanding and supportive husband, and now I have my awesome FB page and some ladies who I call my friends. It really helps me cope. Life skills and coping skills are very important to me. I had a rough childhood to say the least and I made it out ok, if I can do that i can certainly survive mid life!