Looking forward.....2013

No more excuses

Ever wake up, and think, how did I end up here? Not in the I drank so much last night way, in the way of you feel lost, yet your in the same place you have always been? I think it's been gradual, it's happened over a lot of years, a lot of children, some of it is laziness, complacency, whatever it is, I'm over it. Things are changing, and this is the year I see it through. I think one of the biggest disappointing realities for me has been that the older I got, the harder life got. I always thought when I was younger, as I got older I would be more confident, sure of who I was and I would have a clear direction for my life. HA! That didn't happen. Actually the opposite did. I've spent the last year thinking about what needs to change. Here is what I've come up with.....
First, I have to lose weight. I went through the I just had twins its ok, then I'm old, married, had 7 children blah blah. All just excuses. The truth is for me, whether it's shallow or not I don't care. Looking good is important to me. The heavier I am, the less confident I am, and I feel like crap. Now I say, I don't look my age, I have a few good years left, and I have a goal dress for my daughters high school graduation in May. I've lost 10 pounds since thanksgiving, and I feel amazing already! Can't imagine how good 20 more will feel.
I will work out, when I can. My life isn't really in a place right now I can work out everyday for hours. If I have 20 minutes today, then I will use it. As I get more fit, I will probably up my workouts. For now, I do walking miles. 2-5 when I can, but at least 3 times a week.
I will do something for myself EVERY DAY! This may sound silly, but as I said, I ended up in a bad place. Always last, not taking care of myself. I don't think I was even on my list of things to do. I will work out, shower, take a bath, read, watch tv, talk on the phone, write, whatever I decide for that day. I will also get an eye exam, and go to the dentist. If I'm able I will get my nails done.
I will not do everything anymore. Actually, I've been making this change already and I've had great results. Why I waited all these years, and kids to start is beyond me. I'm one person, and taking care of 9 people's needs is too much. Everyone helps out whether they like it or not, from the garbage to laundry. With my older kids, if they want something from me, they have to earn it, work for it, some how. Yesterday my daughter cleaned the bathroom before she could go to the movies.
I am a very outspoken person, except where my husband is concerned. This is really the area I've most lost myself. I still can't figure out how it's happened. I will find my voice, not be afraid of conflict, and talk about real issues. You know things are great when you don't talk about real life, or use the kids as an excuse. There are a couple things that need to change, and this is the year I make it happen. I'm done making sure everything is ok for my husband. How about things are how I like it? I'm not smoothing everything out anymore. If I don't agree, or like something, I will speak up. If my feelings are hurt, I will say it, etc. stuff like that. Sounds silly I know. If you would have told me 15 years ago I would be in the place I'm in now, I would've laughed at you. Yeah, mama wants that feisty girl back, I like her. This complacent little housewife, um yeah, not so much.
I don't really have too many goals where the kids are concerned, just the usual like, hold them accountable, don't let them disrespect me, and be positive.
You know what I realized? I'm actually not a negative person. I was raised by a negative mother, and my husband can be quite negative. I've spent years trying to not slip into negativity while surrounded by negativity! The good news is, this is one issue I've brought up with the husband, and one of his goals this year is to be a positive influence over the family, so I have good feelings about it.

I'm on my way......

Ok, here is what I figured out........

I am done having children. 

I remember asking other moms, how do you know when you are done? They said you will just know. Yep, now I know. 7 is enough for me :D

Being a stay at home mom is not always fulfilling.

I guess since I have been doing this for 19 years now, I realize I'm getting tired of it. The upside is, yes I do have older children now and I make them work around the house.

With what I know now, I will help my daughters set things up a little different. 

Yes, being home does mean you do most of the work, but I think when your husband comes home, you should get an hour to yourself and he can take care of the kids. I also think he should help with  doctor and dentist appointments, as well as parent teacher conferences, or taking them to a friends house. I also think a call on the way home with hey honey do you need anything? Would be nice since I know I need milk or bread most of the time.

It's important to make yourself a priority.

I don't know exactly how it happened, but over the years I kinda lost myself. I have been fighting to come back for the last two. I'm finally seeing positive changes, and it's nice to be back. It's weird to me how this even happens. I guess since I spent so many years pregnant, and with a baby I got so caught up in the day to day taking care of everyone else but me. You would think it would be easy, but actually it's been hard to take time for myself everyday. My husband is adjusting to the change, and so are the kids.

Looking forward

As I reflect over my life, I realize being a stay at home mom has been the greatest blessing. I wouldn't want it any other way. I have enjoyed seeing each of my children grow up. There is no way I could be less of a mom, or not here for the twins like I was the other 5. It's actually bittersweet, part of me is glad to be done with each stage as it passes, and the other part of me can't believe this stage of having children is coming to an end. I'm excited and scared all at the same time when I think about how different even the next 3 years will be. I will have 3 grown children, and all of my kids will be in school.  I'm making small changes everyday, so the family won't go into shock and wonder what is going in with me! All I know is the frumpy housewife days are done!! :)