Thursday, January 15, 2015

Bring it!!


So far this year is off to a trying start to say the least. It's like the kids forgot where they live, what type of mom I am and all the rules! They have been testing me from lying to disrespect, even twins got in on the action and did some backtalk! It's like even though I didn't say it out loud things were going to good. So now between the home stuff, bad grades, an in school suspension and wild twins I seriously had to put it down. I will not stop moving forward.
 I realized life is pushing back because big change is in the air around here. It started last year and it will only continue to evolve. This August the twins will start school and for the first time in my life there will be no more babies for me. It's bittersweet but at the same time very exciting! You see I got married at 19 and by the time I was 20 had a baby. I never really just thought about myself. I've been in the thick of kids and babies for over 20 years! I feel like I can actually put myself first for a change! To be honest it's weird, and I don't want to waste time feeling guilty. I've put my time in and now it's time for me! 
First step is reclaiming my body. As you can imagine having 7 kids has taken its toll. I'm eating better and working out. My focus is on feeling good, healthy and strong.
As long as my husband can handle it I plan to stay home. It may sound silly but I'm really looking forward to being alone! Maybe even bored and lonely! I have no idea what that feels like. I also just want to be able to do what I want when I want without an audience. You know the simple things, shower maybe even watch TV and not put the subtitles on. 
I want to figure out who I am besides wife and mother. Being a mother is the best part of me but I also know my identity can't be wrapped up in my kids. Having a big family has taught me that I have to have healthy boundaries or else I would have a nervous breakdown every time my kids did something wrong. I need to be strong and teach them how to cope with life's ups and downs.
So bring it 2015, I'm getting ready!