Monday, February 27, 2012

Full circle, well sort of....

Letting go doesn’t mean we don’t care. Letting go doesn’t mean we shut down. Letting go means we stop trying to force outcomes and make people behave. It means we give up resistance to the way things are, for the moment. It means we stop trying to do the impossible–controlling that which we cannot–and instead, focus on what is possible.
As you may have guessed this is about my oldest. Sorry if you are already bored with it, it's just all part of me finding my way back, to the mom I was, to the mom I need to be. I still have 6 kids to go and they need all of me.
She and boyfriend were over yesterday and I was really paying attention for a change. Watching them, trying to figure it all out. I hate to admit it but I think a lot of my problem has just been the letting go. She still needs me but it's changed now. She needs the friend/mom now. She needs me to be the one who accepts her for who she is now, not who I thought she was suppoesed to be. I have been with my husband a long time. We go way back to 1987...I really don't know my life without him in it anymore. Now we are getting older have all these kids, different stresses and I forgot what the love of our youth looked like. I keep trying to get my daughter to see things that really until she lives them she won't. I didn't. Maybe she's right. Why can't they be the exception to the rule like me and my husband? How could I forget how the parents reacted to us. My mom was not happy about me dropping out of college and getting married at 19. I can honestly say I don't have regrets. I love my life. Being a wife and mother is my life. Maybe she won't have regrets either. Maybe she does know what she's doing. I did. I knew what I was giving up, and I decided to marry for love. Do we have money problems? Yep! Did it stop us? Nope, we have 7 children and I stay home.
I posted something recently about history repeating itself. Some were pretty adamant about not being anything like their moms, and saying no way. Well I think it does. In sooooo many ways. But let's just go with this...if my daughter wants to be like me and recreate my life, how can I be so foolish in squashing her dreams every time I talk to her? I don't like boyfriend, but then hubby and I were talking about it. Oh how I hate to admit this, but he is a lot like hubby and ME! We all have dreams for our kids whether we like to admit it or not. I'm just dealing with letting mine die, so she can have her own....