Ever feel like your children just don't care? 

Sometimes I find myself feeling unappreciated. Like all I do is taken for granted. Sometimes I'm left with a why bother attitude? No one cares anyway. Can you relate? Well I finally had my A Ha moment. Yes it's taken quite awhile but this is what I've learned.

Before you have children, you have all these, thoughts, hopes and dreams, for what it will be like when you do have children. Even if you don't think you do, trust me you do. You see other parents and think oh, my kid won't do this or that, or the opposite, my kids will be well behaved like so and so. I'm going to be such a better mom then my own was to me.

Then reality hits, you have some children of your own, and somedays you think, wow, this is really what parenting is about? Let me tell you, parenting is a thankless job at times. It's hard work to raise children, especially today. Between all the movies, tv, FB, music, texting etc, it's a whole new world of trouble! Think about it this way, why do we expect gratitude from our children anyway? We are setting limits, rules, boundaries, and teaching them how to behave in general. They just want to be free, don't we all? But it's our job as parents to teach and guide them. How will they know right from wrong, and how to be thankful if we don't teach them? It's not our children's job to make us feel better about life, and how we parent. We are the parents, we are the responsible adult here. From what I hear thanks come later, and grandchildren are our blessing from enduring our children! LOL

Even my oldest, she's going to be 20 and she is out there finding her way. She's not doing it how I thought, or wanted. To be honest it's driving me crazy! We were talking the other day and she said to me, mom, it's not about you. You were a great mom, I enjoyed my childhood but I just want to live MY life My way. It was good to hear. I need to FULLY let go, and when and if she needs me, I will be there for her.

As parents we need to give ourselves a break. I feel like people expect too much from kids. They are loud, annoying and sometimes not appropriate. Lighten up, laugh with them. Enjoy them. Try and understand what they are going through. Sometimes they will be jerks, and you know what? It's ok, because we are doing our jobs as parents and teaching them how to be a responsible adult. 

I wish someone told me

Wish someone gave me the heads up when it came to being a Mom

You remember being pregnant right? Oh congratulations, how exciting, this will be the best time in your life etc.   For me, I would've liked a heads up.  Im just going to touch on the basics, what i think would've really helped me be more prepared.

It would've been nice to know how much labor hurts, how hard it is, how painful that ring of fire actually is! That it is possible to fart, or poop during delivery. Or how about this one, how easy a c section is, no labor etc. HAAAA! My c section was the worst experience ever! I would've liked to know how painful recovery was, what happens if you get a uterine infection, how even though you want desperately to exclusively breastfeed, you need those pain pills to survive!

Oh you'll see, newborns sleep a lot. Um yeah if you think waking every 45 minutes to eat is a lot! How about telling someone you will be more tired than you think humanly possible.  You might not sleep for YEARS. Make sure you have help. It's ok to cry, we all do. Babies don't come with a book, trust your instincts. Think about if you are going to be an on demand type of parent, or get the baby on a schedule.

I'm not going into great detail but you really should figure out where you stand where vaccinations are concerned. Are you and your husband united on this decision? What kind of a pediatrician do you have? Babies go to the doc ALL THE TIME.

How about potty training? You will feel like what seems like consecutive dayssss in the bathroom, just so the second you let your kid up, they pee on the floor! How it takes TIME, patience etc, that they will have accidents, plenty of them, especially when you are the least prepared.

What about how fast the first five years go? It's like one day your up every hour,  getting no sleep, walking the house with this precious little bundle and the next you are waving goodbye as your baby heads on into school! 

Once school starts, life really takes on a whole new turn. First, your precious little angel comes home with all these not so great things, like new words, having an attitude etc. This is the beginning of the end. Everyday your child is growing further away from you. You know this is how it's supposed to be, they are finding themselves, figuring out who they are and what they like. But I would've liked the heads up on how painful this process actually is.

If you have more than two children, get ready for the fighting. It NEVER ends. I really would've liked the heads up here. I had no idea that the older they get, it actually gets WORSE! They call each other names, yell, scream, hit, punch, wrestle, the girls take each others clothes without asking, it's relentless. You can punish, separate them, soap mouths, time outs etc and they will STILL do it.

One day when you least expect it, your precious baby becomes a TEENAGER!  I was the least prepared for teens. This is where a heads up would've been a sanity saver! If you have girls, you probably thought the tween years were tough. Um no, that was just the teaser for what was to come. It's as if overnight they grow boobs, get their period and suddenly think they know everything. Here's a heads up, think about dating, movies, sleep overs, hanging out, parties, driving, and about working.

Just when you think you have a handle on on your child becoming and adult, your relationship, who you think they are, they GRADUATE high school.

Here is the biggest heads up of all,  LETTING GO is harder than you think it is.

It is quite a transition going from mommy to mom. 

So here you go! I hope this helps you :)

The cry of my heart.....

The cry of my heart......

Sometimes I sit and wonder

What is my problem anyway?

Then reality hits.....

My oldest is lost, finding her way

I barely understand, so how could you?

Rude comments, judgements, making me feel like a bad mother

My genius child, the peacemaker, always last since I know she's ok

But is she? The pressure of being the "good one" hopefully isn't too much

My drama queen, always testing, always pushing, trying to rush her life away

My special boy, always misunderstood, getting in trouble, you think it's a discipline problem, or he's just a mamas boy...you have no clue

The 9 year old who chooses not to listen, yes I am fully aware she doesn't have a hearing problem, she is finding her way, her own voice in a house of so many

The twins, need I say more? Of course they are overwhelming, loud, non stop they are 2! That's their job

Why is it no one sees the joy?

How I have maintained a relationship with my oldest, when we are so very different. How we are evolving from mommy daughter to mom and daughter, who loves her unconditionally? Who always wants her best? How we can talk for hours, about life...and laugh...the fact she came back to me?

How amazing it is I have a daughter so driven, to be at the top of her senior class? Who will not only graduate with honors, who will receive an academic scholarship anywhere? Who is everyone's favorite, her calm loving spirit, what an amazing tennis player she is, how her dream is to go pro?

How drama queen is so strong? She is not easily led, she knows what she wants, how she shares her talent for fashion, make up and hair with everyone? How when I need her, she is there for me. She is more than capable to run the house for me

How amazing my son is! He is hilarious! With the kindest, loving heart you will ever meet. He just wants to help, wants to fit in, wants to be accepted

How my 9 year old is so loving! How incredible her imagination is!  She makes her own fun, enjoys crafts, drawing, and now playing her flute!

Seriously, just having twins is amazing! I could write a book about it! They are so smart, and their relationship with each other and the rest of the family brings me joy everyday.

This crazy, stressful life no one understands, is my reason for being here. My purpose, my joy, my every breath.

I'm 40!

40

It's so weird to me

How can this be?

I used to think,  when I'm 40,  I will have this or that

Now I have 7 children,  and  I  feel fat

Life looks so different now

I'm still trying to figure out how

Days drag on, yet years fly by

I wish I knew why

Now I'm just figuring out how to feel free

To be the wife, mother, friend and me

I'm still filled with so many questions, what now?

Soon I will have the freedom to come and go, do I even know how?

So many women complain about being bored and alone

I have no idea what that feels like, I can barely use the phone!

People say I need a life 

What's wrong with being a wife?

Outside the house you say

But I don't know if I want it anyway

How can I be so old, yet so lost? Somedays I feel like a child

Other days I just want the freedom to run wild

All these changes, coming so quickly

How do I keep it together when I feel so uneasy?

I wish I could get some of my young minded ness back

Like the confidence of my youth I now lack

I used to feel so sure of what I want, always looking to the next thing

Now its so unclear, I guess that's what happens when you have everything

I have the husband, the house, the kids, I guess it's time for me

Which brings me back to the beginning, how can this be?

17 years ago......

17 years ago.......

Where does the time go? My second oldest is 17 today! Wow, how different things were 17 years ago..........

We were living with my mom in her basement apartment. We already had one child, she was 2. Everyone thought it was so weird that I would have a baby living at my moms, since we didn't have our own place. We always knew we wanted more kids, so why wait? My pregnancy was going well. I looked good and felt great! We thought maybe I was having a boy since I was carrying better than my first pregnancy. At this time I was seeing a male doctor. The more pregnant I got, and started asking questions about labor and delivery, I just knew I wasn't going to be happy. I found a midwife who would take me when I was 8 months pregnant! She was wonderful. It was a few days before my due date and she told me I was starting to dilate and efface, but she was going on vacation. I was so upset, saying no I need you. She said go home try taking some castor oil and we will see. Well I took a tablespoon, it was the most nasty stuff ever but it did throw me into full blown labor. I got to the hospital and was like 5cm. She broke my water, and I was having crazy strong contractions. My husband was getting nervous, thinking maybe I wouldn't make it this time since we there only a short time. I said ok, I think I need something for the pain. When she checked me I was already crowning! 3 pushes and she was out! I had a hard time controlling it, so she came out fast and swallowed some fluid. I will never forget suddenly I realized they took the baby out of the room. Oh, she is just being checked. Finally after I was all clean and in my room, I'm like ok where is my baby? I got out of bed and started walking down the hall. I will never forget seeing my baby hooked up to all those wires and things! It was scary. Thankfully she didn't have to stay too long and before I knew it she was in my room, with me nursing her. I was home in 24 hours. It was an adjustment going from one to 2 kids for me. My girl cried a lot, but it was ok. I just held her, almost all day! Wow, has she come a long way from that crying, shy little girl stuck to my leg! She is in the top of her senior class, is on her way towards an academic scholarship that will include all 4 years, and she is a fabulous tennis player!

I just sent this to her teachers:

She is the second oldest in a family of 7 children. She is the oldest living home. She is driven, goal oriented, responsible, has great time management skills and is an overall joy to her family and everyone around her. I can't believe this is her senior year!