Finding my way

I don't know why but as women and moms we often take a back seat when it comes to taking care of ourselves. I finally realized wanting to look good, working out, getting your hair done, nails done, drinking the occasional Starbucks, going to the bookstore whatever it is you do to feel good about yourself is NOT selfish or shallow. When we as moms, wives, women feel good about ourselves we are happier. Being happy makes you a better mom, wife and person to be around.
I have 7 kids and a grandbaby on the way. It's my 17yr old who is pregnant. My oldest moved back home so the only kid out is my second oldest and she's at college so she is still home for holidays etc. I have a full house to say the least! It was time for me to make myself a priority before I had a nervous breakdown. I decided to stop with the excuses and take control of my health, mental and physical. I still take on most of the house but between having everyone take care of their own stuff, like dishes, laundry etc and errands when possible I have a couple hours a day to do what I want.
I have a ridiculous schedule of running around town taking kids back and forth to school and activities. I was so excited that the girls were starting kindergarten but then I found out it was half day. Well not even, Mondays they go 11:30-1, Tuesday-Friday 12:30-3. With my daughter being pregnant and due soon between the doctor visits and the other kids, not to mention my husband I find myself overwhelmed often. I really don't like feeling that way. I am the type of person that likes a plan and routine. Well that's out the window now!
I finally decided to throw away all my excuses and get healthy. I started Beachbody in February and all I can say is it has been my lifesaver. It is a program that combines clean eating, drinking shakeology and working out. One of the things I love most is the community of women who support, encourage, share and motivate each other. This is not a quick fix, its a lifestyle. I have lost over 20 pounds and tons of inches. As much as that is so rewarding, fitting into clothes, being comfortable and loving my body for the first time in years, I have to say the best part is doing something just for MYSELF. Once you start working on yourself the rest truly does start to come together. Being physically fit has made me feel mentally fit to handle my day to day life. Do I always feel like being healthy and working out? No, but I press on anyway. I am never disappointed when I press play. When the workout gets easier, you are sweating and making progress it makes you feel so accomplished. You step back and you're like, I DID THAT! Its not always easy but always worth it. When I have a bad day, or I overate, had a drink of alcohol some chips or cake, whatever it is, its ok. A bad meal doesn't ruin or define your lifestyle. It doesn't mean oh well, you might as well give up. It means you enjoyed some treats and the next meal you get right back on track.
I have decided to blog more and let you know how I am finding my way through the crazy!

                                                February          April                 September
                                          

Being a mom is hard

This motherhood thing is coming full circle for me. 

I've come to realize the secret is you have to have your own life outside of your kids... You know why? Well for starters they are kids and don't care about things the way you do, it's all about them and how much they can get.. If that's not enough they grow up and move out to have their own life!

Your kids can't be your only happiness... There are so many ups and downs, disappointments, bad choices that if you personalize every one you won't be able to function. Let it ride, they are kids, they will learn, go do what makes YOU happy.

You can be too involved and probably are... This has snuck up on me, it is so easy to do things for your child, work things out for them etc.. We convince ourselves that it's what good moms do.

You're damned if you do and damned if you don't... Meaning your kids want your opinion but they don't want you to disagree with them.

I always thought my problem with my mom was her, now having grown daughters I'm realizing some of it is me! I guess it's inevitable that we become the annoying mom!

Bring it!!

So far this year is off to a trying start to say the least. It's like the kids forgot where they live, what type of mom I am and all the rules! They have been testing me from lying to disrespect, even twins got in on the action and did some backtalk! It's like even though I didn't say it out loud things were going to good. So now between the home stuff, bad grades, an in school suspension and wild twins I seriously had to put it down. I will not stop moving forward.

 I realized life is pushing back because big change is in the air around here. It started last year and it will only continue to evolve. This August the twins will start school and for the first time in my life there will be no more babies for me. It's bittersweet but at the same time very exciting! You see I got married at 19 and by the time I was 20 had a baby. I never really just thought about myself. I've been in the thick of kids and babies for over 20 years! I feel like I can actually put myself first for a change! To be honest it's weird, and I don't want to waste time feeling guilty. I've put my time in and now it's time for me! 

First step is reclaiming my body. As you can imagine having 7 kids has taken its toll. I'm eating better and working out. My focus is on feeling good, healthy and strong.

As long as my husband can handle it I plan to stay home. It may sound silly but I'm really looking forward to being alone! Maybe even bored and lonely! I have no idea what that feels like. I also just want to be able to do what I want when I want without an audience. You know the simple things, shower maybe even watch TV and not put the subtitles on. 

I want to figure out who I am besides wife and mother. Being a mother is the best part of me but I also know my identity can't be wrapped up in my kids. Having a big family has taught me that I have to have healthy boundaries or else I would have a nervous breakdown every time my kids did something wrong. I need to be strong and teach them how to cope with life's ups and downs.

So bring it 2015, I'm getting ready!

Enjoy the little things

 

 

Is it just me or do you have a hard time with this as well? You would think something as simple as this would be easy to do but honestly it's the complete opposite. Sometimes I'm so focused on what I have to do, the last thing I feel I have time to do is enjoy anything. The day goes so fast, I hardly ever accomplish all I need to in one day. I get so tired of the cooking, cleaning, wiping, laundry etc, and before I know it the kids are home, and it's I'm hungry, getting homework done, usually the bickering starts and I still have to figure out what time tryouts are done, drama queen has work and then of course cooking dinner! Whew… I have to make an effort every day to take the time to notice, let alone enjoy the little things! So here is my list for today…….

The weather was nice and I sat outside for a few minutes and felt the sun on my face.

My older daughter is still home from college.

The girls got juggle bubbles, and to see them smiling, laughing, bouncing bubbles around the living room brought a smile to my face.

 

 

 

Of course what I always enjoy is the quiet of the night when everyone is asleep!

 

What 2014 has taught me

When the year started I was feeling pretty down. I felt like everyone gets to do what they want except me, I was feeling fat and frumpy , and  out of shape. I decided it was time to make myself a priority and be confident in who I am.

So this is what I learned this year…….

 

It's ok if the house isn't totally picked up.

Dishes, laundry, toys on the floor,  etc will still be there tomorrow and the world won't come to an end.

 

It's ok for me to put myself first.

This has been the hardest, biggest change I have made this year. I still don't do it every day, but I always make sure I do at least one thing for myself EVERY DAY. Sometimes it's a really small thing, like a shower, a piece of chocolate, a show I want to watch. I have left the house alone to do something selfish and fun like my hair, or nails! I can't tell you how awesome that has been. I wanted my hair done for Christmas and so much needed to be done, so while I was getting my hair done my husband went food shopping!

 

Making the time to work out is worth it!

I try and work out as often as I can. Ideally 5-7 days a week but even 3 is ok. Not only have I lost 15 pounds, I dropped two sizes and best of all I feel strong and fit! I got a new kettle bell workout for Christmas and I can't wait to start it.

 

I finally feel confident enough in my parenting to tell anyone to step back, we are not looking for co parents!

Have you ever noticed when something major happens it's in front of other people? After Christmas my son got in trouble, and of course he was with his grandparents so they knew what happened. This time my husband and I were a united  front and even he told his parents to back off.

 

Parenting is a dance of keeping your kids close and letting go so they mature and get independent.

I hate when people say things like raise them right, trust your kids etc. The reality is good kids make bad choices, they know what's right and choose bad anyway. We always want to trust our kids, but sometimes we know we can't.

I realized family dynamics, ages of children etc are different for every family and its ok if someone doesn’t understand mine.

 

I'm exactly where I want to be.

Getting older is funny to me, I'm 42 years old and people still feel the need to tell me things I should be doing. Recently one of my husbands friends was over, and he asked me when the twins start school if I was going to work, and how even a little job making $350 a week would be nice, right? Um wrong! First of all not only is it none of his business but I'm exactly where I want to be. I know many people don't get it, and the art of being a homemaker is getting lost, but I don't plan on working. I want to give the twins the same experience all my other kids got. I want to help in the classroom, have lunch  with them, be home when they are out of school. Why should my older kids get them to and from school, help with homework and start dinner? It's my job and I'm not giving it up.

 

This is my mantra..

I am fit

I am a good mother/wife

I am HAPPY

I love my children for who they are

I focus on positive good things

I am proud of my family

 

~One Tired Mama

My child is not a reflection of me

I know what you're thinking as you read that statement, of course your child is a reflection of you. Well I'm here to tell you its not always the case. Have you noticed when your child does something good, gets good grades, says or does something that makes you proud, it's sooo easy to accept the compliments like way to go mom, wow, you sure are raising them right. But think of it this way, why would you take credit for your child's accomplishments? It's all them, they did the work. So in the same way I don't take credit for the misbehavior of my children, especially Drama Queen.
When you have an extremely defiant child, it's easy to feel like you're doing something wrong, you're not a good parent etc. This is where you have to be really careful. It can make you depressed and it can take the joy out of being a mother.  I finally realized I needed to stop taking on Drama Queens personality as my responsibility. I just needed to accept her for who she is. This doesn’t mean that I agree with her behavior all the time, or how she treats friends, or even her siblings. It means I realize she is a person outside of me and she will find her own path.
As you can imagine this has been the hardest journey for me. My older two daughters were not like this. Drama Queen is the after miscarriage baby who was supposed to have Downs Syndrome miracle baby! It's not supposed to be like this! She will be 16 in January, and every year I hope things get better. As always some things do and other things never change. So, I changed the one thing I have control over, MYSELF. I no longer am embarrassed, or feel like a bad mom because my daughter acts a certain way, gets in trouble, or makes a bad decision. It's like, ok where do we go from here? What lesson am I trying to teach her? I want her to know I'm always here for her, she can trust me, and that HOME is a safe place. We all love and accept her in this house. On the days she's pushed me to the brink, I remember my own advice and walk away, I don't get sucked in. I tell her to go to her room.
I have hope in the fact that she's still young and  you really can’t predict where people are going to end up in life when they're only 15! All I know is I do the best I can every day. People may judge, but I know inside of me that I’m a good mom.











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Mid life is like being a teenager

Getting older is not at all how I thought it would be. In some ways I feel more and more like a teen all the time. Here's what I mean...
I find myself thinking why bother a lot.
My period makes me wicked crabby, crampy and bloated.
I get pimples.
I could sleep all day.
I don't know what I want to be when I grow up.
I'm moody.
I don't want to cook, clean or do laundry.
I just want to have fun.
I want to be left alone.
I'm attached to my cell phone.
I love to text.
I keep things from my mom.
Sometimes it's never enough.
I have a problem, but I have no idea what it is.
I want to run away.