Sunday, April 22, 2012

Sleepless nights

Sleepless nights

Isn't it funny the things you start thinking about when you're not sleeping?
The first thing I think about is all the sleep I'm missing. Then I hear everyone else in in the house sleeping, and I'm jealous! My thoughts wandered to the beginning. Sleepless nights with newborns. How did I do it? The older I get this sleep or lack of sleep rather is starting to take a toll on me. I have a harder time functioning. I'm very cranky. The worst? It's aging me! I look in the mirror and I see a mom looking back at me! When did this happen? It's crazy when I think over my life, all I've done, accomplished, how far I've come. Then it's obvious I have to be old! I have 7 children for crying out loud! How did I think I would look at this stage of my life? It's a funny thing, in my mind I'm like 28 looking fabulous and I'm in shape of course.  Then I think, what difference does it make?  Why does it seem everywhere you go, everyone you talk to, everyone is obsessed with being young? And beautiful? And in shape? What happened to aging gracefully? Wrinkles, belly flab and all? I need to come to peace with this. My mom still is always losing weight, trying to lose weight, or is doing some new thing that has to do with food! I don't want to be stuck in this cycle the rest of my life. But I can't lie. Sometimes when I look in the mirror I don't like what I see. I need to focus on all this body has done for me. My boobs might be saggy, but they nursed 7 children! My stomach is um lets call it stretched out, but it had 7 babies in there! I mean seriously how would you look? Which brings me back around to the dark circles under my eyes, and how tired I am sometimes. But, comforting my babes? Making everything better? Yeah it's worth some sleepless nights.