Tuesday, April 3, 2012

My boy :)

I guess I will start at the beginning......I didn't really realize anything was wrong. 11 years ago Autism wasn't as public as it is now so I had no idea what any signs would be. I have 6 girls and 1 boy so most things I was just like I guess boys act  this way. Things didn't really get noticeable until school started. Again between moving, my husband not admitting something might be wrong and having twins I wasn't really worried. Until he turned 10. It just became so obvious, like a light bulb went off for me and my husband. Between how he played, the weird things he does, how random he is, how he has no filter and says things so matter of factly, how he always has a problem with socks, clothes, his bed sheets and comforter, needing a night light, his obsession with Legos, not understanding jokes or sarcasm, smells, anxiety, throwing up, biting his nails, sucking his fingers until he was 9, nightmares, not adjusting well to change, how selective he is with who he gives direct eye contact, how he has such a hard time expressing himself, the meltdowns, how he can watch the same thing over and over, how he scripts from movies and  remembers the little details that i didnt even notice, and on and on. 
So in 4th grade we agreed to testing through the school. Test, psychologist etc. my first IEP meeting I thought I might throw up. I finally said can we get past all these charts telling me how low my son is? I didn't say it but I was thinking the next person who says he is so low is going to get a punch in the face! So he's like 2yrs behind. Has a hard time retaining information. We all agreed there is no point in holding him back since he will either shut down completely or not retain anymore information anyway. He is high functioning and his focus is  in oral expression. We believe he understands  a lot more than he is able to verbalize. He started with OT, speech, help, accommodations etc.
I went through a really rough time. I was wracked with guilt for not noticing, for not getting him help sooner etc. then I was so angry...at myself, the school, my husband and God. He's my only boy, really God? Thanks a lot. 
Thankfully I got over it right away and started to focus on my boy, how amazing he is. How no one knows him like I do. That these people don't have his best interest like I do. I gotta get my act together and figure out how to help him.
The rest of 4th grade was not so great. I would get calls from the special Ed teacher saying he's not cooperating, or I lost him today etc. at first I was still so overwhelmed and didn't   know what to say or do. They were still so focused on behavior. He was pushing at recess, he talked during a fire drill, he was looking at someone else's desk etc. I was so thankful  for summer break! 
I really started to do some research, talk to some people, and find out my rights and my sons. When it was meet the teachers for 5 th grade I was on top of it. I told them exactly what I was expecting, what's in his IEP etc. this year has been so much better! No dumb phone calls, they keep me informed and I email often to check in. They know better now then to call and say something like I can't get him to work today! Now it's really what are YOU doing to keep my son motivated and on task? I am pleased with all his accommodations, they really seem to be helping. He is really progressing! He graduated from OT, and we already discussed what's in place for 6th grade.
I just take one day at a time...some days really great, and some not so great...like yesterday...we just didnt do HW...oh well tomorrow is another day :)


  1. Don't beat yourself up over not catching things faster. It is what is is. Just make sure from this point on you are in control of his education. I feel your pain, two months after school started my youngest suddenly started kicking, screaming, punching, slapping, spitting, and basically any other form of violence against anyone and everyone in his classroom. I received phone calls daily, check that multiple times a day...everyday, I was called several times to come to school get him back on track, and had many phone conversations with him. Just as suddenly as the behavior started...it stopped. I am so thankful to his teachers for not giving up and hanging in there with him. Most schools would have kicked him out. But this Rambling Mom, must get back to her Crazy Life since said son is currently refusing to eat his dinner. ....Sigh

  2. I wish I had known of you earlier. I have a son that has similar characteristics to your son. I went through the ringer with his team of people that the school set up for him. His therapist would attend his IEP meetings and every time she would recommend that he have individual instruction, but the school always said they could not provide what she was suggesting. It ended in 5th grade with an physical altercation between my son and the principal. She called me to the school and said she was afraid that either he or someone else was going to get hurt and would I homeschool him. Which I ended up doing and some days I think I made the right choice and others I wonder what I am doing. I do know that I know him better than anyone and I am his best chance. Thanks for being such a great mother and for sharing so I don't feel so alone.