Wednesday, March 28, 2012
Last night my father in law said to me...ever think about all you could do with your life if you weren't doing this...he was mocking me at my iPad, actually at this exact time I was messaging a friend who is going through a hard time with her life right now and I can totally relate!
I immediately said I do a lot with my life....he knew I was about to get really angry so he tried to play it off like he was joking and walked away.
I know I shouldn't even care, and he's just a jerk but it really pissed me off. I guess being a wife and raising 7 children doesn't count for much! Normally I would have an easier time shaking this off, but I'm going through a bit of a crisis lately. I've been struggling with the whole mommy thing and my self worth. I've been fighting feelings of why bother? What difference does it make? Not to mention I have not lost much weight since the twins, I feel fat as hell, old and frumpy. It certainly doesn't help to have people come in to my home insult me and my life!
My mother in law was like oh you look so tired, are you tired? Are you ok? I'm like no more than usual. While in my head I'm like thanks a lot for telling me I look like shit! I even showered, had real clothes and make up on!!!!!!!
It's times like this that I have to dig deep, look at my beautiful babes and say, they are worth it, even if I'm not feeling it. They need me. They all need a mom who is here for them. So I'm trying my best to shake it off and move on.....