A day in the life....

Library

How could I forget what an adventure it is to go out with my 6 kids? We were signing up for the library program for the summer. As soon as I walked in with the kiddos I could feel eyes on me. The young girl signing up the kids was so funny. She's like you need 6? I said yes, 6. Oh ok, then it went ok until it was time to pick a first prize. Why do the kids always worry about what everyone else is getting? Oh mom, you should get the twins this, and he should get this. NO, you pick out your own and move on. I got the twins 2 different things since if they are in the mood they will fight over the same exact thing anyway. Then I picked buttons for the older girls. The one kid is like you're not supposed to give her the bag to pick from. No big deal, everyone finally got their prize and off we went to check out the library. It's hard to say no to books and free movies! All of a sudden my girl yells POOP! Of course the library was completely quiet during this time. Thank God I have teens, and my daughter quickly ran her to the bathroom. I was looking at some cook books when the girls come running over so excited about George and Elmo! I told them shhh it's a quiet place. I think they were louder telling each other to shhh! LOL then it was check out time. By this time it was time to get out quick. Thankfully my older girls got the babes in the car while I checked out. So 23 movies and 11 books later we were out of there! (yes I know, we love movies :))
On the way home I stopped at SAMs club for some dinner. I got talked into getting their credit card so I could save $20 on this order. OMG! It took so long! The kids were getting restless. The twins threw their toys at the lady 2 times, saying home, home, my son was touching the computer and making noises, my older girls were like mom please, this is taking long and it's embarrassing. I'm like we'll twenty bucks is twenty bucks so I'm not leaving. The lady was so nice, she kept saying sorry this is taking long, and I'm like sorry my girls threw their toy, and my son is touching EVERYTHING!
Finally we were out of there and it was a kid picked dinner tonight, tater tots, cheese quesadillas, tortilla chips and cucumbers.
WHEW, I'm done.....

Birthdays

Isn't it funny how when you are a kid you can't wait until your birthday! Everything about it is so exciting. What kind of party, a home party or one out. What kind of cake and who is coming. Then the most exciting part of it all....you are one year older! I used to love home parties and ice cream cake when I was a kid.  First it's 10, suddenly you are double digits and you are on your way. Then 13 comes around and it's like wow, I'm a teenager, oh yeah!! Then 16, oh sweet 16....driving permits, sometimes a license depending where you live, proms, boyfriends, never a dull moment. Then 18, wow, I graduated HS, I'm a legal adult, and it's time to get my life started. The next big mile stone is 21. Lucky 21. Suddenly it's I'm legal!! I can drink alcohol!! Being in your 20's is an amazing time. Still so young yet getting older and more mature every year.  I got married and had kids right away, so for me my 20's were all about being a mom and homemaker. Then one day you are 29. This is when you start thinking, um wow...I'm getting old, 30?! No way...am I where I wanted to be by now? 30 comes and goes and it's not bad. You feel mature, still young enough to be considered hot, and most people can't believe your not in your 20's you look so good. Someone said to me once that you're not even really an adult until you are 35. In my head I laughed it off and thought, yeah that's because you are old. Then it happened to me. I turned 35. Seriously I can't believe how different I felt, my outlook on life, and what was really important. It's like suddenly things are starting to come into focus. The things that seemed so important in your 20's suddenly seem so dumb, shallow even. My focus switched to what's best for my family, not what everyone else thinks is best for my family. A big issue for me was children. Even family wasn't very supportive when we had 5 children.  So you could imagine what was said when I was 37 and pregnant with twins!! Now I'm just a couple short months away from 40, and wow. 40... Honestly, there is nothing I like about it. It's a terrible number, it makes me feel old and everything is harder already. I still have 23 pounds on me from the twins and  I have a hard time sleeping now! Alright, the one positive thing is I'm more confident in who I am and who I am not. I don't look for other peoples approval, or advice. I live my life on my own terms, finally! If I don't feel like doing something, I don't do it. I really don't have much mommy guilt. I do my best and that's all I can do. It's freeing, actually saying no. I am learning to stop looking for the next thing, and focus on today, and what I have. Time goes so quickly, and it's so uncertain. For now, I am still focused on being a wife and mother. What the future holds? I'm still not sure.....I will have to let you know in the next five years :)

Mid life crisis

When I look in the mirror and I see
I can't believe the reflection looking back is me
No longer is there a girl full of curiosity
Now there's an older woman who is filled with familiarity 
I am so different now, a wife, a mother with a routine
And I am me somewhere in between
There are so many changes these years bring
I look back at pictures and my heart sings
Maybe it's a good change, to save me from the heartache of letting go
Or for my children to be able to grow
Now I'm trying to balance it all
Sometimes it seems all I do is fall
Life is sure one crazy ride
I'm learning to take it all in stride
I'm filled with questions, what's next? What do I do now?
This next stage of life I have no idea how
to separate from being mommy,  can you help me
To you know mom,  I don't want or need you to help me
They need to find their own way
I have to trust they have  learned to be okay
I wish it wasn't so hard to let go
I have to not let my feelings show
I can still be and do anything I choose
At this point I have nothing to lose
It's about time I focus on myself
I no longer need to stay on the back shelf

Boot camp summer

Well as I said the count down has begun! Friday is our first day of summer! Actually I am one of those crazy moms who love the summer. Not only do I enjoy the warm weather and swimming, I like having everyone home. I also enjoy all the free time, no HW and not having to  run the kids back and forth to school.
I read an article the other day about not letting technology take over family life. It really hit me because I am not very social. It took me awhile to get a smart phone and iPad, but once I did I understood what all the fuss was about. I LOVE it. I'm as addicted as a teenager! My virtual life is amazing and satisfying. I'm not the type of person that needs to be around people. Maybe it's because I am never alone since I have a large family, or it's just in my nature from growing up as an only child. I love to be alone. 
Ok, back to the article. It was saying how all this technology might be hampering our ability to empathize, that kids are having a hard time reading body language, resolving conflicts or feeling compassion for their real life friends. That we need to help our children maintain a balance between actual friends and online friends.
I realized that I'm an adult. I have the freedom to choose who to spend time with, when and how often. I know what I need and how to act in social situations. But my kids do not. They have to deal with kids alll day, every day. A huge part of parenting for me is teaching them coping skills. Well this now is equally important.  I will sacrifice some screen time, to show my kids about balance, and spending time together. Another good tip is to have your children look at you when you are talking. Im actually guilty of checking my phone in front of someone. How rude! It could definitely wait a couple of minutes until the person is done talking.
This is what I've come up with. We will eat breakfast, lunch, and dinner together screen free. We will swim together, and play something together everyday. I will let them have friends over. We will talk more about feelings. I will be empathetic with them so they will see what it is! When the older ones are out, a text won't be enough. They need to call me so I can hear their voice. (not to mention the background noise) I also think its important to use real words. Again, I am guilty of this as well, but I realize now how uneducated this generation is sounding. If something bad or sad happens, I don't think a frown face is enough. Use words, kind encouraging ones. It's amazing how easy it is to be so LAZY! You know what else this mama is bringing back? Complete sentences, and please and thank you. Why is it I have toddlers who know how to ask for something, yet my older children get away with barely asking?
So my kids are going to have what I like to call boot camp summer. How I fell into such a pattern of lazy parenting, I'm not sure. But I can tell you this mama is so TIRED of it!! Of course now that I said all this, hell will break loose, and I will be tested to the max! 
But it's all good, I will just post it on Facebook! ;)

Lost

Lost                                  


I used to be so sure of myself, knowing when to say yes, and when to say no
Now I second guess myself, where did my confidence go?
Life is so hard, sometimes it feels like a  show
But I know without these hard times I wouldn't  grow.
Being an adult is not always fun
I sometimes wish I had the freedom to run.
The days of my youth are a thing of the past
I didn't realize they would go so fast.
Hindsight is 20/20 , sometimes I wish I could go back to that day
So many memories, decisions made,  if I went back what would I say?
Where would I be, if something changed?Would it be worth it? 
 No point thinking,  I could have, should have, no I won't waste another minute
So here I am, in the present
Trying not to resent.
We do the best we can with what we know, so no need to pout
 Now I'm desperately trying to find my way out
How weird, where did I go?
It's time to let myself show.
I need to take comfort in the choices I made
The life I created out of the shade.
So  I am older, wiser, have perspective only age can give
No need to be lost, it's time to live
So full circle I have come, I am not lost you see
I am a wife, a mother, a friend and me.

Enduring

Enduring : patient; long-suffering.

 A mothers love is enduring. 

 I wanted to be a mother my whole life. I always wanted a lot of children. My mom was a working mom and I grew up as an only child. I was alone, and lonely all the time. So of course I got into trouble. Lots of it. From living with my mom, then my dad, to blowing curfew and coming home drunk. I felt justified in my decisions. My parents divorced and I felt abandoned, and lost. 
I wanted to be the most awesome mom ever. Giving my kids everything I never had. A stay at home mom to make cookies and come to all my school events, and siblings so they would always have each other. I never bothered thinking about college, or what I would want to do. My dreams were always being a wife and mother. 
I had kids young, right after getting married. I was 20 when I had my first, and 37 when I had the twins. It was amazing from day one. Sleepless nights didn't really bother me since I stayed home. My third pregnancy was a little rough and adjusting to 3 was hard. Once we had 3, the rest just blended right in. 
When we had 5 kids a friend said to me, wow you run a tight ship around here, I would love to see how it is when you have all teenagers! Of course I thought to myself, well it will be the same tight ship. 
Fast forward, I now have 7 children ages 18, 15 1/2, 13 1/2, 10 1/2 , 7 1/2, 18 month old twins. This is when being "one tired mama" all started. Oldest was graduating HS, being rebellious, my 13 year old well was 13, my boy was being tested and I was coming to terms with that, my 7 year old was still not to happy about the twins and well the twins just threw me over the edge!
I never gave any thought to the future, like how life would look having older children. I guess I just assumed growing up in a loving in tact family would make a difference. I didn't realize kids are just kids, and they make bad choices and decisions.  I am a very strong, outspoken woman. It never occurred to me that my daughter could turn out so very different from me. She is in a very bad, dysfunctional relationship. I am consumed with the why? Why him? How can she settle for so little? How can she not see that he really doesn't love her? How does she not know what love is? Why wouldn't she want what I have with her dad? 
This brings me to the present. A mothers love is enduring. I talk to her and try to keep quiet. Sometimes like today I hang up the phone and just cry. I look at my 2yr olds and cry some more. They are so precious, and innocent. Where does it all go wrong? What did I do wrong? I am learning to take it one day at a time. To really enjoy the kids that are home, still needing me, looking to me for guidance. I think God gave me the twins to help me cope with my older children growing up. I can't even imagine my life without little people, so for now I will just stop thinking and enjoy my babes.

House values and Rules

I thought I would share some of the things I do to keep my family running. 

I have House Values hung up on my refrigerator 

Being an (our last name) is special. We're not just out for ourselves; we work as a team. When a job needs to be done the team pulls together. We work hard to clean up the house, or whatever else needs to be done. We also have special privileges as a family. We go out to eat, play family games and spend quality time together. We treat each other as special. Meanness is not acceptable here because it does not fit with who we are. Angry outbursts require an apology because hurtful words aren't consistent  with the idea that we value each other.
We honor each other in this house which means treating each other as special,
 doing more than what's expected and having a good attitude.

I also have a list of house rules and consequences hanging up

1. When mom or dad says to do something, just do it and say ok
2. Listen when someone is talking to you
3. Don't just do something, ask first
4. Keep your voices low in an inside voice at all times
5. When there is a problem, come and get mom or dad to help you
6. Keep your hands, feet, and objects to yourself
7. No back talking mom or dad

Consequences: no snack, early bedtime, no tv, no gaming/computer time, no phone, toys taken away, missing out on what the rest of the family is doing, time out, time in your room, writing about offense

Rewards: stay up later, extra gaming time, praise, enjoying what the family is doing, spending quality time with mom or dad, having a special snack.

We will be kind to one another, appreciate each other, and help out when needed

Ok, something's might seem confusing. I have a lot of consequences because I have all age ranges. Here is an example. We are driving in the car to go get ice cream. The kids are not behaving, arguing, she's looking at me that kind of nonsense. I say cut it out or you won't get any ice cream. Everyone stops but my daughter. Why should we all not get ice cream? So her consequence was no ice cream while we had it. Did she freak out? Yep. Did she throw a tantrum? Yep. Guess what? Next time we went out, Everyone was good in the car. One time they were all acting up, I said I will turn this car around and go home! Guess what happened? Yep, I turned the car around and went home. Now if I say it,  They know I will and they don't want to blow it. 
When you have a large family alone time with mom or dad not only is important, the kids want it. So if you're on you're best behavior you can run an errand with one of us. Or my hubby has taken one to work, they get a slush, or just some alone time.
We also have family meetings. When things seem to be getting out of hand we sit around the table and discuss what is going on. When school is out we have a meeting about the summer and what's expected. It takes at least a week for the kids to get used to being home, and around each other all day.
We are not perfect by any means. I deal with annoying behavior all day, everyday! But my older children have told me they have better sibling relationships than a lot of their friends. That means the world to me. :)

Meanest Mother in the World

Meanest Mother in the World

This is something my mom gave me years ago.....

I had the meanest mother in the world. While other kids had candy for breakfast, I had to eat cereal, eggs and toast. While other kids had soda and candy for Lunch, I had a sandwich. As You can guess, my dinner was different from other kids too.
My mother insisted on knowing where we were at all times. You'd think we were on a chain gang or something. She had to know who our friends were, where we were going, and she even told us when to come home.
I am ashamed to admit it, but she actually had the nerve to break the child labor law. She made us work. We had to wash dishes, make the beds and learn how to cook! That woman must have stayed awake nights thinking up things for us kids to do. 
She always insisted that we tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth.
By the time we were teenagers our lives became even more u bearable. No beeping the car horn for the girls in the family to come running. She embarrassed us by insisting the boys come to the door to get us. I forgot to mention that most of our friends were allowed to date at the mature age of 13. Our old fashioned mother refused to let us date until we were 16.
She really raised a bunch of squares. None of us kids were ever arrested for shop lifting, or busted for dope. And who do we have to thank for all this?
You're right, our mean mother!
I am trying to raise my children to stand a little straighter and taller and I'm secretly tickled to pieces when my children call me mean. I thank God for giving me the meanest mother in the world. Our country needs more mean mothers like mine.

This has stuck with me all these years. I am a mean mother. I am told this often, and you know what? I'm ok with it.  I basically do all the same things. As it is my 14 yr old daughter is so upset I wont let her date. My young ones don't understand why they cant just play outside if I'm not out. Im already teaching the twins how to act in public and limiting tantrums. They get time outs already! Today, parenting has taken on a whole new trend. So many parents are caught up in giving their kids everything they never had. That would be ok if we were talking about love, support, stability, rules, respecting your elders and doing good in school. Unfortunately I am talking about designer clothes, cell phones, the latest game, dating younger, playing horrible games, watching anything and everything, on TV, and not being held responsible for their actions. So many parents are making the mistake thinking they are their children's friend. Your children do not need a friend, they need a parent! Someone to teach them how to behave, respecting your elders, saying please and thank you, and the biggest, being responsible for your actions!!
Some of you might be thinking, that's easy for you to say, you must have compliant children. Um no. I have 1 rebellious teen who moved out, one special needs boy, the strong willed drama queen, the 8 yr old stuck in the middle, 2 yr old twins andddd 1 compliant child!! 
The three things I'm focusing on lately is with my son I tell him he's a boy not a wild animal, my 8yr old, you're a young lady act like one and for drama queen to stop and think before she comments and gets everyone all upset.
Parenting is so hard. There is no one way, right way magic formula. As moms we do what works best for our families, and that's all we can do!

Pity party for one.......

I've been a mom now for 19 years. I stopped working after my first was born. I love being a stay at home mom, but lately......
I feel, I'm not even sure what you would call it...restless? Sometimes I think I'm gong crazy, other times I'm perfectly fine. Life is so weird. My younger years were so exciting, having babies, buying houses, always looking forward to the next thing. Maybe that's it, what is my next thing? You might be thinking, gee you sound depressed. No, not it at all. More like mid life crisis. I was dancing along to this wonderful journey I am on, and all of a sudden I am falling down, a lot! Ok kids grow up, get over it right? I am trying. That's another thing, I am alwayysss trying! Trying to be a good wife, and mother. Trying to say and do the right thing. Trying to lose weight, get healthy, stay in shape. And you know what? I'm TIRED!! Tired of trying, tired of making things easier for everyone else while I feel like a used up sponge on the side of my sink. Then my in laws decide to move here. WTF?! Why? We moved across America, had a blissful 4 years and now they want to live here too? Sometimes I feel bad for my husband, but mostly I do not. His parents are creating a lot of problems. The biggest effect is on us. I'm so angry at him for not saying anything, for not sticking up for ME, and our children. Part of me gets it, he doesn't like confrontation and you can't talk to them. They are not normal. So he's stuck between trying to keep me happy and not get his mom mad. But um, ignoring it is not working. Then I think, why can't I just go with the flow? Why do I care so much?  Am I as bad as them? definitely not. I should be able to control when we have company and when we do not, I should also be able to have boundaries with them. They are MY children. I just don't know. Then if all that isn't bad enough, I am turning 40 in August. Honestly, I am having a really hard time with it.  I think it all ties into the now what? I find myself being very negative about getting older. My husbands dad died at 56, and my mom had her 6 way bypass at 53. At this point, I'm scared of getting older. I feel like all it brings is sickness and heartache. 
School is almost out, and summer is my favorite time of the year. But guess what? In laws will be back in July!! Of course, just in time to make my birthday worse.
As I type this I realize wow, ok, you have to get a grip on your life. Ok pity party over, thanks for coming.
I am just going to start living for now. Enjoy everyday, and take things as they come. Maybe it's like I'm 18 again and stop thinking and start living!!