Back to school time!

Getting ready for school

It's the final countdown for us. School starts August6. You know that Staples commercial? The one where, "It's the most wonderful time of the year" is playing? And parents are skipping down the aisles, with the kids sad dragging behind them? Well, yep it's like that! It has been a great summer, but the kids are getting bored. We laughed, played games, did lots of swimming, watched movies, went to the library and a water park a few times. Even though I get tired of the back and forth, and homework, I'm ready for the break! And the kids need school! 

So this year, my drama queen is starting HS! A freshman, time goes so fast! She is so funny though. She is way too concerned about her looks and boys! She is trouble with a capital T! She is already hassling me about having a boyfriend, and school didn't even start! I have my eyes wide open where she is concerned. The cool thing is our school offers awesome programs, and she is taking theater and dance. Then she's on track for beauty school jr year. She is the type that does just enough, so I think she will be fine where grades are concerned.

My oldest living home is a senior this year! I feel like my oldest just graduated, and now my next one is graduating!  I feel the shift already. She's had a an active summer with friends, going out and driving around by herself.  I ordered the yearbook, now it's class ring, scholarships, applying to college, college tours, senior prom etc! I'm trying to prepare myself this time, so I don't have another crisis when she moves out! The difference here is her absence will be felt huge! My son is VERY attached to her, and she's the peacemaker in the house. They all say she is my favorite sister. 

My son is starting 6 th grade this year. I take it one day at a time with him. In case you haven't been following me, he's on the spectrum, high functioning, and every year is a new experience to say the least. He's already getting anxious, biting his finger nails, making sure everything is set up, from sharpening his pencils, to how his back pack is organized. We haven't gotten a letter yet from his teacher for back to school night, and he checks the mail EVERYDAY! The good news is, one of his favorite teachers and mine is going to sixth grade also! So I'm thinking it should be a good year. I have his IEP all set up, so we will see.

My girl is a fourth grader this year! She is so smart, she just hasn't had a teacher really tap into how smart she is. Last year her teacher was a real bitch, but I tried to keep it cool for my daughters sake. I tried fighting her on grades, and she wouldn't budge! It's funny, because since she is after my son, I almost feel bad for the teacher! I will not let another one of my children fall behind! When you have smart kids, they nit pick. For ex, she got points off for spelling on a test that's not a spelling test. Her thankful letter at thanksgiving got a D! Meanwhile, she had run on sentences. Give me a break! My sons letter says I'm thankful for turkey, it's cool. Then she took points off for forgetting her name. Whatever! We are over it, she had good grades, and it's a new year now.

It will be good to have time with the twins alone! I love my kids, but the older ones are a bad influence on the toddlers! Plus now I can start table time, coloring, puzzles, counting, etc. they do a lot better when the others don't get involved.

And the number one reason school is the best time of the year is.....EARLY BEDTIMES!! YAY

Poem about my oldest

Letting go

Why is it so hard to let go?
I try not to let it show
How much this is killing me
Why don't you see
I didn't give any thought to this stage
Maybe I thought you would never age
You are my beautiful amazing girl
Now your life is in a whirl
How do I separate what I think you should do
With just spending time with you
People think its about control
But that's not it at all
You deserve every good thing this life has to offer
Instead you are settling for the life of a pauper
You should be with someone who wants what's best for you
Not someone who is taking advantage of you
Where is my sweet girl whose glass was always half full?
Now she's lost in world filled with bull

Having children changes your body

How having 7 children has changed my body image

My face is fuller                  It's from all the time smiling at my beauties
 My arms are big                 It's from all the time I spent holding my loves
My boobs hang low            They fed 7 children for years!          
My stomach hangs            It was home for 7 people!
My hips are wide                They are the perfect size for a toddler or two to sit on
My feet even grew            They needed to stabilize me with all the holding I do
My back aches                   How could it not with all it's been through? Gaining and losing weight, supporting my expanding uterus time and time again
My knees are weak           I'm sure this is from all the times I have gone up and down the stairs for something! Between caring for babes, forgetting something upstairs, and of course laundry and cleaning.

When I sit back and really think about all my body has done, it truly is amazing! I'm not fat, I have earned this body, nurturing 7 children! Every stretch mark, line on my face, dark circle under my eyes, even the changes in my hair! Our bodies are amazing, and we, as women, should give ourselves a break, and enjoy them, be proud of them whether they are fit, or um in my case not so fit. One thing I have to say, it even happened last night and this morning, everyone of my family loves my body. The kids love to sit next to me, on me or just hug me. They tell me I'm just so comfortable and comforting. My lap is big enough for double hugs from my twins. When I think about it, I wouldn't have it any other way.
So let's celebrate our bodies, and all they do for us, day in and day out. Even if they hurt, or ache, or just don't look like we want them to. :)

Changes

My kids are growing up and I'm growing older
I don't want these changes to make me colder
I need to find my way back
To the joy I feel I now lack
I keep thinking, this has to be just a phase
But I can't seem to see past the haze
Things are so hard right now
From my oldest moving out to not knowing how
To find my balance, in this next stage of life
I wasn't prepared that older kids would cause so much strife
I wish things didn't have to change, though I know that would be so lame
I 'm so far out of my comfort zone, not a day goes by that's the same
I'm trying to focus on all the ways change isn't so bad
Like having more freedom to come and go, then I've ever had
It would be so easy to focus on the best
If I could ever get a full nights rest
So I've gone all the way from diapers and toys
To Grade school and boys
Now seeing my children grow up, adds to the list of my joys

Spending time with 7

Inspired housewife asked a great question....
Okay here is another question how do you make time for each of your children? 
As you can imagine, having 7 children this is something I have enjoyed, found impossible, and felt guilt over. The amazing thing is when you have a large family, they get a lot of what they need from each other. They are very independent. They are aware at a young age, that I cannot be everywhere, with all of them paying attention to every single thing alll day long. Obviously babies and the young ones get the most time and attention. They still need it, want it and it's my job as mom to make them feel loved, safe and secure. Then when my husband and I have an errand to run, we usually take one of them. Even though food shopping might seem lame to you, for them it is one on one time for them. We talk, catch up, I let them pick out the cereal, juice and snacks for the week. We watch movies together, game together and eat dinner as a family EVERY night. They all have different interests, and things going on at school. So when it's their turn it's all about them. Birthdays are VERY special around here, since it is your day. You pick dinner, what kind of cake you want and we plan a party. I don't micro manage my kids lives. They need to play, read, use their imagination,  make their own friends, get exercise and spend time with me.
I'm actually glad I had the 5 of them first since now I feel the twins are the ultimate test! I probably feel the most guilt when it comes to them because you can't do for 2 what you did for one. For example, holding. Even now my back is breaking off because sometimes I will hold them both.  The schedule, I don't break it EVER. Having 2 tantruming cranky toddlers is enough to drive you to insanity! One is usually more compliant. It has been my mission to not favor one child over the other. Do you have any idea how hard this is with twins? Especially when one is literally throwing herself all over the floor, and the other is playing quietly?! 
At the end of the day, I did the best I could. I love them all, and they know it. Just like anything else, some days one needs more attention and time, and the others have to deal with it. Somedays I wish would last forever, and I think this is what its about. Somedays I wish would end quickly, and I want to run away!
Being a mom is hard, no matter how many kids you have.

Questions....

Ever have a problem but you don't know what it is?
What can it be? Am I lonely?
How can you feel alone, when people are always around?
Is it that so many changes are taking place?
Getting older? Kids growing up?
Life's moving on, am I?
So many thoughts, getting jumbled
How do I slow them down?
Why is this happening? Is there something wrong with me?
Life is not what I thought it would be, but what did I think it would be like?
How can I feel let down, when I'm not even sure what i want ?
I love being a wife and a mother, is there more?
Lately life feels like a chore
I ask myself, what do I want?
How can I not even know the answer?
I need to find a way to recharge
But my life's so full there is no way
How can I be so happy, so fulfilled, yet missing something?
Maybe I'm not missing anything
I feel the best years are behind me
I need to find my next thing, what can it be?
Where did my joy go?
Where are my so called friends? 
Guess I should've known that would end
Some thoughts are getting clearer
I feel like a failure because of my oldest and I don't know how to get past it
I know I have to, six more children are depending on it
But I'm left with questions, was it me? Did I do something wrong?
 Where do I go from here? Sometimes I feel like why bother?
How can you know so much intellectually, but can't separate your feelings?

Happy Birthday 5

Number 5, my namesake :)

Wow! Nine years have past! A lot sure has happened in these nine years, I had twins and a daughter graduate HS, not to mention a big move for my family. The biggest thing to me right now is I was only 30! Ah, to be that young again! Anyway this is about my beautiful daughter, not myself.
After my son was born, I just new I wasn't done having kids. Everyone thought since I finally had my boy I was done getting pregnant. Um, no. It was never about just getting to the boy! Anyway, this pregnancy kinda snuck up on me! We were seriously considering selling everything, getting an RV and traveling across America. Our family thought we had lost our minds! Well I got pregnant, and we took it as a sign to stay put. There was no way I could have a baby on the road! I always love being pregnant. This time was no different. I felt great. We found out it was going to be a girl so we started thinking about names. My husband actually said, why don't we name her after you? I'm like really? Are you sure? It's kinda cool, but I know everyone will hate it. My husbands like, yeah, since when do you care what everyone else thinks? So we decided to name her after me! I was really excited about it. Everyone else? Thought it was weird, why would we do that, blah blah blah....so this being my 5 th baby I figured I knew what this having baby stuff was all about. Yeah, God sure laughed at that! I figured I would go early, running around after all the kids. Um no, she was 5 days late. Then I figured I knew how labor was going to go....not even close! I started to have contractions, and my husband panicked. He called my mom she came rushing over and they seemed to slow down. I'm like let's just get some sleep. Well at 5am I woke up to a pop and boom, my water broke! All over the place! Yep real labor...there was no way I was going to stay home. Normally after my water breaks I have the baby. So we rushed to the hospital. At first things were normal. 5 cm active labor....then nothing....no contractions...no more dilation....I am one of those crazy all natural women. I have never even had an IV during labor! My midwife comes in and says your not progressing, I think you need pitocen. I was soooo upset, she said ok, let's start with an IV, maybe you are dehydrated. Well after an hour no change. I needed Pitocen. Let me just tell you, all natural with Pitocen has been the hardest labor of my life! I thought I was going to die! I was sooo mean and said some horrible things, but I did it! The most amazing part was, once the midwife got her head out, I pulled her the rest of the way right on to me! It was 3 pm and the nurses were changing shifts. She stayed on me for a half hour before we even knew what she weighed! When the nurse checked on us, she was already nursing, and said oh wow, ok I will get you cleaned up then take the baby! You want to know something else funny? My mom is in the delivery room every time, and has cut all the umbilical cords! So my beauty weighed 8lbs 6oz 
This was the first time I stayed in the hospital as long as they would let me!
Now she's 9! The cool thing is she is so much like me! We call her a nickname of my name so she has her own. From the time she was little she would say, oh that's my mom not me! Oh, I love her so :)

Kids these days.......

I went out with my husband last night to Rita's to get an ice. The place was packed with teens. Ok, cool...no problem I have nothing against teenagers. So we got our ice sat and sat down. Some interesting things happened next. The first thing I noticed was at the kids table were two little boys. They looked to be about my sons age, 11. Upon further investigation, it became obvious they were the little brothers to some of the kids. The kids ranged from I'd say those little boys, 11-17.  This is the first thing I find so funny. Parents, do you really think sending your kids little brother is going to keep the teens in check? First of all they sat the little boys at a table away from them, then just completely ignored them. Who knows how it all works out in the car. The second thing that happened was some other kids came in to meet their friends. This boy just climbed over and sat down sooo close to my husband, with his back towards us. The thing about it was, it was soooo rude! Parents, please teach your kids about respect. Respect for the place they are at, and especially their elders! The kid should have said, excuse me? Is anyone sitting here? Can I have this chair? Thank you. Then the kids were standing up all around us. They must have felt my glare because they sat down at the table behind us. As soon as I went home, I had a talk with my teens about how to behave! Oh, and they were pleased to find out I have no intention of having the younger sibling tag along!

So, is it just me? Or do you find kids rude these days, with no respect?

Rebellious

It's quite interesting breathing heavy on the big 4-0 and having 2 year olds. I've come to realize that I think I am in the throes of a mid life temper tantrum! When the kids don't get their way, they whine, throw a fit which sometimes entails them throwing themselves down to the ground where they proceed to kick and roll around. As I was watching this the other day I realized, wow, I would love to do that! But being the responsible adult that I am, I figured out a better way to handle things. I have decided to treat everyone the way they treat me. I am so tired of all the bullshit, day in and day out! Kids fighting, whining, not getting their way and acting  ridiculous over nothing. So now, I too have selective hearing. It's funny because my 14 yr old has noticed and I can tell by her reaction she is not enjoying it. Take yesterday for example. She wanted her friend to come over. She was a jerk to her little sister all afternoon. I acted like I didn't hear her. By the time her dad came home, we had dinner it was getting late. She asked again and was under the assumption that I said yes. I said ask dad, which of course he replied NO. She was not happy at all! I have to say, so far today, she is staying out of trouble. Smart girl. With the other younger kids, things working out as well. When they ask for a snack, I pretend I  didn't understand the question. Then after a few minutes, I'm like, oh you were talking to me? I didn't hear you. Then if they are acting ridiculous over nothing, like shes sitting too close to me on the couch, or she made faces, or he walked in front of the TV and so on... I just take away whatever they wanted in the moment.
Here is where the problem starts. I have realized I am doing this with my husband as well. Needless to say, he is less than amused. I am trying to figure out how it all started. Is he starting with me? Or am I just rebelling against everybody? I feel like he is telling me what to do, and how to do it. Like he is blaming me for every annoying thing the kids do. But is he really? Or am I just the one with the problem? Is this just more of typical stay at home mom stuff?
Then the whole Internet thing. He was so funny last night asking me all these questions and saying I knew it. You're addicted. First of all I could have told you that, second of all who cares? The real reason I'm on all the time is I don't have a life outside my house. I stay home with the kids. I don't have many friends. My online life is just exciting to me. Yes , I use it as an escape. So what? I look at it this way, there are plenty of worse things I could be addicted to! Even my online life is the real me! I'm a mommy blogger for crying out loud! What does he think I'm doing? Plus it's not a secret. He knows about it and can read it if he wants. The rebelliousness comes in where I don't need him telling me when I can and can't be online. I'm not a child. So yes, often I go on when he is home just to prove I can. Dumb I know, but honestly? I don't want to stop, so I probably won't. I think if I ever really got a life outside this house, my family would be in total shock. Who knows, maybe that's my next addiction.......;)

To my kids

To my kids

Being a mother means everything to me
I wish everyone would just see
How amazing it is to be a part
Of something so big, right from the start
I know it might not always seem, that you mean the world to me
I'm sorry that I get angry, it's not how I want to be
You need to understand that my life does not just revolve around you
Even though I'm the mom, there are sometimes I don't know what to do
Just keep in mind, I always want what's best for you
That's why I say no to things you want to do
I am so thankful for every moment, every milestone
Watching all of you grow together, so you wouldn't be alone
Seeing pieces of myself in each and everyone of you
You make me so proud to be your mom with all you do
It still fascinates me, how different you all are, like your name
Yet, there are things about you that are all the same
I hope you enjoyed your childhood, I've done my best
To prepare you for when you leave the nest
There is one more important thing for you to know
Even though sometimes it doesn't always show
There is nothing you could ever do
That would make me stop loving you

20 years ago I married my best friend.......

20 years

I can't believe it was 20 years ago when I said  "I Do". So much time has passed, so many wonderful memories. It made me remember the beginning.......

I just moved back in with my mom in NJ, I was 15 starting a new HS again, as a sophomore. I hated it here. Why did she move here? I feel like I'm in the middle of nowhere. At the bus stop I notice this boy smoking a cigarette. I was always pushing the limits, so I walked right up to him said hi, as I flipped my amazing big hair of course, and said can I have a cigarette? He said yes, of course. We started hanging out immediately since we lived in the same apartment complex. He would walk me home, or we would would just hang out and talk. He was so easy to talk to. He was always interested in what I had to say. We had similar backgrounds, being children of divorce, with working moms. I finally found someone who understood me, who liked me, for me, and he thought I was the most beautiful girl! Our first date was to see Fatal Attraction! It still cracks me up when I think about it. My mom drove us to the movies, dropped us off and said she would be back. On the way in he reached for my hand, and when I grabbed his hand, I felt all tingly. I think he might've kissed me after the movie, but my mom was there. I think things were better in a way, back then. We couldn't have contact 24/7 like today, so the anticipation would build, when would he call? When would we see each other? On the bus? He was so cute. I remember he walked all the way to the deli to get me breakfast, came back and threw snowballs at my window to wake me up! We would pass notes in school, try to meet up at my locker, and sit together on the bus. When he bought a pack of cigarettes from 7-11, he would buy me a rose! It wasn't long before we were together all the time. He would come with me to my Nana's house and help trim her bushes etc. He was always, so kind, caring, and a little sensitive. He was the good boy, I was the bad influence LOL! I always said if his mom was paying more attention, she would've told me to keep away from her son! We got in our share of trouble, from coming home late and drunk, to cutting school, but we also created the most amazing memories that I still think of today. We gave each other everything we were missing from our home lives. It's no wonder right after HS I got engaged and we were married when I was 19 and he was 21! Our families were not happy. They thought we were too young and didn't support it. The sad thing is I don't have the memories of planning a wedding, and shopping with my mom but it's ok. He came with me to pick out my wedding gown. I can still see the girls face, this is your fiancé? Don't you want it to be a surprise? So funny, we did everything backwards, but we must've done something right since now here we are 20 years later, still in love, still best friends, with 7 children! The best is to all the people who thought we were "playing house" who's playing house now? LOL

What getting older has taught me

I have enough of my own problems, so I don't have time to judge anyone else
Things that seemed so important, really aren't .....like material things
Time goes so fast, it feels like one day I was a young mom with toddlers and woke up to one grown and out of the house and teens!
I have to make time for my husband, these kids grow up and leave
It's okay to put myself first sometimes
It's ok to say no
It's ok to rest
Pj days are fun
I'm thankful my life came full circle and I understand my mom, and she understands me
I don't really have time for friends, but it's ok, my life is so full between my husband, kids, and my mom
I like to be alone
Even though I feel I parent the same, each one of my kids is having their own experience and they are not the same
I love being a mom
I need to take life one day at a time
I have no control of things I thought I did
Life is constantly changing
I will never regret the time I spent at home raising my babes
The older I get, the less I care what other people think
It's ok for my kids not to like me, they don't need to be happy all the time, I am not their friend
I don't feel guilty about how I parent, what will be will be, there is no right way, perfect way...I can just do my best, and it's good enough
Days drag on, yet years fly by!