Friday, January 6, 2012

Change

I have accepted fear as a part of life, specifically the fear of change, the fear of the unknown. I have gone ahead despite the pounding in the heart that says: Turn back, turn back; you'll die if you venture too far."
– Erica Jong

I hate change. Since the twins my life has been in a constant state of change. It all started when I said to my hubby just one more, nothing will change! Boy did God get the last laugh on that one! The twins have been the most awesome, challenging, amazing, hardest blessing of my life. Just when you feel like you are getting the hang of things you need to go on to the next thing. Then out of the blue my daughter grew up. She turned 18, graduated HS got involved in a serious relationship and moved out. WTF? How did that happen? I remember like yesterday her saying hi mama, can you polish my nails? Can you do my hair etc. Now she's a woman living on her own. It's been quite an adjustment for both of us. I miss her, and the house felt weird for quite a while. I made a New Years truce with her and boyfriend and things have been better. It is so hard to let go. Just when I feel like I'm coming to terms with all that, my second oldest goes and gets her license! She's off sleeping at friends houses going to the movies etc. WTF? When did that happen? How is it my baby's are so old? When did I get so old? Which leads me to the next change that has me flipped! I am turning 40 this year! WTF? 40? When did I get so old?where does the time go?so 2012 is already off to an adventurous start! I can't even imagine what this year will bring. All I know is I'm just living day by day, enjoying every exhausting, demanding, frustrating crazy minute! If 20 years can just fly by, I don't want to miss a single minute!

Change happens when the pain of holding on becomes greater than the fear of letting go.